I think the most peeving thing about parenthood is all of the unsolicited advice you receive. I was on my usual IG scroll not too long ago and I came across a post with the question, “What is the worst or most annoying parenting advice anyone has ever given you?” Where do we begin? Of course there were hundreds of comments:
“Give them real food! They’ll sleep all night!! Ummm, yeah no, no they did not.”
“Don’t rock them to sleep.”
“I need to stop letting my kids sit on my lap. He was 2 at the time and they said he was too big to be sitting on his momma like that.”
“Let him cry it out.”
“Don’t hold them too much.”
“Two boys? When are you trying for a girl? You should have a girl too! They need a sister!”
“Your milk is not enough, give him formula.”
“Stop nursing, he’s too old (he was just 12 months)”
“You should shave his hair off so he can get thicker and longer hair.”
And, drum roll, the seemingly most repetitive, “Sleep when the baby sleeps…” “Enjoy every minute” and, “It will get easier.”
You can just imagine the rebuttals that are never voiced. If I sleep when the baby sleeps, exactly when am I supposed to do all the things I can’t do when he is awake? I’m pretty sure I only have half a nerve left this week and its only Tuesday. Am I supposed to thoroughly enjoy my baby’s meltdown and tap dance on that last half a nerve? When exactly does it get easier? When they are learning how to drive and rip the side view mirror off the car backing out of the drive way (true story, sorry daddy)? Or when they go away to college and you’re trying to help them cover the rest of their college expenses? Or when they have kids of their own and they are asking you to move in and help them because they are wearily drowning in the unrelenting abyss of working parenthood? This advice you are giving me right now, was it actually helpful to you at one point during your parenthood journey? Because I don’t see how it would be. What other advice do you have, that I can actually use?
I’m sure all parents have been given some crazy, annoying “advice” (unintentionally and intentionally) at some point. Maybe it’s a necessary rite of passage for parenthood. While you are in the middle of being proud of your ability to keep it all together on four hours of sleep and four cups of caffeine, someone has to come along and haze you with an unrequested critique. As new parents, we don’t hear “good job” or get any “keep doing what you’re doing” pats on the back as encouragement nearly as much as some of the useless opinions on what we should be doing.
I don’t want to incriminate myself so I won’t give any specifics on some of the wonderful (that’s sarcasm) hypercritical child rearing pointers I have been given. I will say though that I find it particularly irksome when I get words of wisdumb from those who don’t even have an admirable handle on their own children. Not trying to be judgmental (or maybe I am **insert brown girl shrugging shoulder emoji**) but like ma’am, there’s absolutely nothing about you I want to emulate. Additionally, your children look disturbingly TLC deprived so…yeah. Or, sir your children are psychologically dysfunctional adults with skewed perceptions of love and respect. I’m not saying it was all your fault but something or someone went wrong somewhere so I’m going to have to take a pass on your dispensable recommendations on what I should be doing for Ash. Additionally, you probably should be seeking some advice (not passing it out) cause…. yeah.
Sigh, but you can’t actually say things like this. Well, you can. It just wouldn’t be nice. So you listen to it. Or you let it go in one ear and out of the other, say thanks, or don’t say anything at all, and keep it moving. Oh jeeze, I hope I don’t sound too harsh.
I am surely not an expert at parenting but (in my opinion) having multiple kids or simply being a parent for how many ever years does not automatically qualify anyone as an expert either (a mentor worthy one anyway). I’ve said repeatedly, just because someone has been doing something repeatedly or for a long time does not mean that they have been doing it good or right. I am constantly praying and asking God to guide Brian and I on how to raise Ash in the way that would be best for him. I’m positive we won’t do everything right. Nobody does. But with God’s help and the gracious help and invaluable, concrete advice from the beautiful village of individuals we do respect and admire, I think Ash will be more than fine.
What has been the worst or most annoying parenting advice anyone has ever given you? How did you respond? I’m curious and also seeking some clever clap-backs to keep on hand for those individuals liberally passing out peeving pearls of poo. I kid, I kid. Well, not really.
And to all of my fellow hardworking, dedicated, mommies and daddies, you’re doing a darn good job! Keep it up!
Take care!
Photo credit: Nicholle Kobi/Instagram
