Motherhood; a beautiful, complicated journey that is as unique to us all as our fingerprint–yet we can still learn so much from each other. In March, I wrote a blog post about what motherhood looked like for me at the moment. Well, here are four incredible moms, giving you their snapshot of it all right now. We all belong to this beautiful hood!
Evita Parks
Mother of 5
I am a mom of 5. I have a 12-year-old stepdaughter, a four-year-old son, a two-year-old son, and boy-girl twins who are nine months old. As you can imagine, life can be hectic. There are many messes, many temper tantrums, a lot of demands, but there is also a lot of love.
I am currently working from home, and while it is a challenge to work from home, be a middle school teacher, a preschool teacher, and a daycare worker, this situation has provided me with an opportunity to really get to know my children. I missed the stages of babies firsts because of work, and I get to have them with the twins. I can see the talent of musicianship and artistry of my 12-year-old and also have the time to develop it. I get to see the academic strengths of my two and 4-year-old and work to get them to the next level.
I love that children allow you just to be yourself with no judgment. They allow you to be a kid, to dance and be silly, to yell as loud as you want to, and be carefree. I have also learned that younger children specifically don’t care what they are doing as long as they are doing it with you. That is such a good feeling. Yet children also come with their quirks. I have watched the same two movies on Netflix at least 25 times in the last month. I have refereed wrestling matches against pillows and lunch boxes, and I have answered the same question about “ who’s birthday is next” at least 200 times today alone. My patience is tested every time my two-year-old melts down when I say, “no.” When my 12-year-old doesn’t put her things away, and twin A quietly dabbles in paint and destroys my carpet, and when I have to explain to my four year old why I made a decision … every decision I make. Yet I am growing patience. I am learning about self-control. That I can be upset without yelling and that I can discipline without physical touch.
The thing I am learning as a parent is that I am not perfect, and it is OK. I can strive to be every day. That I need help, and I got the help I needed. My mom comes over 5 hrs a day and helps me, and I pay her to help me because that is what I need to survive; someone to help with the twins while I teach, or to give me a break when I have a meeting.
I learned that there there is no blueprint for parenthood, and no matter my past, I get to think about the way I want my children to be as adults and design the pathway. There are a lot of self-doubts that come with motherhood, but you have to remind yourself that you got this and when you don’t, it is OK to get the help you need so you can keep it together.
Cody Lindle
Mother of 2
My daughter is three going on four, and my son is ten going on eleven. I would have to say the best part of being a mom is when my daughter looks at me and says mommy, momma, mom, for the hundredth time, and when I turn to her to give her my full attention and say, “yes baby, what is it?” She goes, “love ya,” and goes back to playing. At this stage with my son, he is growing and maturing before my eyes. It hits hard when my son asks me questions about how to handle situations or wants to talk about things that he is happy, curious, or upset about.
I’m learning every day in this area of life, motherhood. I remember when I was feeling guilty about something I did as a mother, and I called my Dad to seek reassurance/guidance. His words that day stuck with me. I can’t even remember what I was feeling bad about. I do know as a mother, at least for me, I am always thinking about my choices and, at times, second-guessing. I have this picture in my mind of what it means to be a mother and how things should go. The white picket fence model if you will. Yeah, it’s not like that in reality, which I learned very early on. My Dad told me these words that helped me through a moment of feeling like a “bad” mom. He said, “Cody, you know how I know you’re not a bad mom?” I, of course, asked how. He stated, “Because you’re worried about if you are a bad mom. A bad mom would never worry or bother to ask.” It seems pretty simple/logical. It made sense. I guess what I am saying is as a mother, I have made mistakes. I have been inpatient, short-tempered, gotten take out a night too many, but I can honestly say that I have loved my children and lived my life in a way that serves them since the moment they came into my life. They come first. They know they are loved. My life began when I became a mother.
As hippy/kumbaya as it may sound, truly all they need is love. Your time. Not toys or monetary things. Your time, that’s it. That’s what they will remember. Life gets nuts. Everyone has stuff. We are all doing our best with the cards we are dealt—Momma’s need to give themselves a break now and then. We have sat up hours on end with little to no sleep for our babies, worried ourselves sick, gone without, etc. We’ve made choices that maybe we wouldn’t normally have made if we were not a mother. I couldn’t imagine my life without these little beings in it. They make life a happier place. They push me to be a better person. They push me to show them that they can do anything. They push me also to the brink of going a little nutty sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I wish things were different, and I could truly watch my children grow each day and be more available. My career and life do not allow that. I am a single mother. I oversee the clinical operations for a large cancer center and have expanded to 5 sites. I am in grad school. I am exhausted! Lol. So, I make every effort possible to focus on them when I can. It is flying by. Each year passes more quickly than the last. Before long, I will be in this house alone. Quiet and clean. But empty. We are amazing creatures. Women. We are resilient, brave, selfless, and strong. We are mothers, and hopefully, each of you enjoys your special day this coming Sunday. Even if that means hiding in the pantry, eating a candy bar in silence. 😉
Jenell Williams
Mother of 1
As a mother of a 6th Grader, I’ve witnessed my son’s personality change and characteristics grow. Staying home has been a blessing because we’ve spent a lot of intentional, yet uninterrupted time together. We’ve had the freedom to be creative or as silly as we want to be! Although, I’ve had challenges with him completing schoolwork, accompanied by groans and constant complaints of it being too much work. I recognized how to best support his learning style through more breaks, encouragement, or sometimes not having school one day out of the week. As mothers, we often forget to share our frustrations with others and know its okay to vent in safe spaces. We’re so used to functioning on autopilot; we forget to be in touch with reality.
The greatest things I’ve learned are to extend “grace” to myself and others often, and “self-care” is essential to you caring for others. It’s important to remember we’re all growing and learning as mothers and so are our children. We also need to care for ourselves, whether it’s sitting in the car, hiding in a closet reading your favorite book, or taking a bubble bath with candles lit and some tunes playing in the background. Motherhood is an awesome journey, so be present to all the moments they bring because you can’t get them back!
Nicole Helm
Mother of 2
The best things about motherhood right now:
Right before this Covid-19 pandemic/quarantine, I was just telling myself how exhausted and overwhelmed I was with mothering a busy toddler and a pre-teen while working two jobs and trying to balance all of the responsibilities that come along with successful adulting. With all of the back and forth and activities eliminated, I can finally sit still and be present with my daughters. This is truly the silver lining on the dark clouds. The best thing about motherhood for me right now is being able to spend quality, uninterrupted time with my daughters without being rushed or on a schedule. I love being able to pour all of my love, knowledge, and goodness into them. Seeing them shining and happy is all I could ever ask for.
The not so good:
Obviously, anyone with a toddler (especially one half as busy as mine) can attest that it’s difficult being stuck in the house during this time. The weather hasn’t been very cooperative either. For me, parenting a toddler is just challenging as a whole. I honestly don’t know if there are any parents out there who would disagree. Toddlers are demanding, emotionally unstable, and pretty unpredictable. On the flip side, they are so sweet and pure. The cute little faces aren’t so bad either. So yes, it’s totally exhausting, but it’s a temporary phase, and watching them grow is truly priceless.
I wish more moms would talk about how it is totally fine to:
- be exhausted (all day, every day)
- be frustrated
- not always have it all together
- not always have everything figured out
- ask for help if you need it
- feel guilty when you have to work or when you need/want a break
- put them to bed early for your own sanity
A few things I’ve learned:
No one is a perfect parent; we don’t always have to have it all figured out. Take it one day at a time if you need to. Let the house look a mess if you need to, order a pizza, cancel that engagement, don’t load your plate too full. Overall, I appreciate having happy/healthy children; not everyone is as fortunate. Be easy on yourself; you’re doing a great job!
P.S. There have been so many times I’ve rushed home from work to cook dinner and whatever else I need to do before the end of the day. Often I’m thinking how rushed dinner is and how I wish my meals were “better” (I’m not even sure what that means). And every time my 11-year-old finishes dinner, she tells me how great the food was and how she appreciates me being her mom. It’s the best feeling ever, hold on to the important things like that.
Definitely hold on to those things! Have the best quarantined Mother’s Day ever! Xo
P.S. Here’s my snapshot…
photo from: Instagram/Eenie Edit (@eeni_edit)
Good stories by these moms. I appreciate their transparency.
Thanks for reading Kisha! Agreed! 🙂 I so appreciate these incredible moms and their transparency. XO