It’s been six years since I started my blog. On my blogging journey, there have been a few creme de la creme bloggers that have given me stark inspiration and whom I’ve taken notes from—JoAnna Goddard, LaTonya Yvette, Jessica Wang, and Monroe Steele. I’ve followed their journeys, and I love their blogs.
In January, I read one of Monroe Steele’s blog posts (I’m nearly 40, unmarried and childless, and yet…I’m happy), and even though I am 40, married, and have a child, it was so encompassing of my thoughts (and unfortunately, the blog post you are reading right now has been collecting dust in my drafts for a couple of months, and I’m just now sharing–I must do better). I send Monroe a heartfelt thank you because girl, same. I hadn’t realized we were so close in age. She’s 39; I’m eight months removed from my thirties–tomato, tomahto. The point is, while reading her post, I kept saying yes! YES! Below are my favorite points–the ones that, though she doesn’t know me (save from me leaving comments under her Instagram photos of how fabulous she looks), she somehow wrote from my heart, too.
I don’t feel any negativity about entering my 40s.
Because I didn’t, I have absolutely no desire to be 20 years old again. Was everything exactly how I imagined it to be entering my forties? No, but I felt no negativity, just optimism and appreciation for my maturity.
I’m happy for the chance to get older, and I’m proud of myself for not compromising my morals and my dignity to get to this point in my life.
I agree, Monroe; I am happy for the chance to get older (and watch my son grow up.)
Yes, sometimes it is confusing, even frustrating, because morality and dignity seem like the last things people support in our world. But in my Lecrae voice, If I gotta sacrifice who I am on the inside, I’d rather be an outsider. And I’m perfectly fine being an outsider.
I started this blog out of my sheer enjoyment of writing, of having people read and enjoy my words, and of being able to connect and resonate through shared experiences.
I started this blog after losing my firstborn as a way to cope—writing and holding myself accountable to living a beautiful life even in its disappointments and hard times. I love to read, and I love to write. In the words of Toni Morrison, “…But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives.”
One of the biggest compliments anyone can give me is that they loved my writing, followed closely by complimenting my fragrance or smell.
Complimenting a blog post does it for me; complimenting my fragrance is right up there next to it, which is why I had such an attitude with Dior for switching things up on me. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, Dior. Miss Dior wasn’t broken!
I know I don’t look my age. To some, I probably don’t dress my age either.
I sometimes struggle with whether or not I like that I don’t look my age. When folks younger than me speak to me with the assumption that I am younger than them, it sometimes makes me laugh and sometimes makes me cringe. When folks, in general, treat me with less respect because they assume I’m young and don’t deserve it, I seethe. But if I am honest, sometimes I don’t think I look or feel forty either. But then I always circle back, like, how is a 40-year-old supposed to look anyway?
In the words of CoCo Chanel, “You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.” I literally plan to be irresistible until I see Jesus so.
I’m happy to be an outlier.
I know that Monroe was at least in part referencing herself as an outlier because she is okay headed into her forties, not on the path with what a woman in today’s society is supposed to have at that point (a husband & children). But there are expectations in today’s society, even for married women. It’s not perfect unless you are married and have at least two kids with a pet, right? But am I going down the path of another pregnancy because that is my desire, or am I making that decision because that is what is expected?
I will leave this earth the same way I came in it. I didn’t succumb to the pressures to be perfect, to get veneers, to get my body done, to get Botox. No shade… I don’t feel the need to ever augment myself because I am happy with what God gave me and what God gave me, got me here.
After two pregnancies, my body is different, and there are things about my body that have changed that I’m not in love with. Still, outside of making better food choices and jumping on the treadmill when I feel myself getting out of control, I have no desire to augment myself. I remember my insecurities about the imperfect parts of me in my twenties. The older I get, the more I accept and am comfortable with myself. I used to wear hair weave installs very regularly–sew-ins–not for the sole purpose of protective styling (because, for the girlies that know, that leave-out part was suffering damage from being left out and forced to blend in constantly) but because I felt my hair was not voluminous enough. I didn’t feel as confident without the hair volume surrounding my face.
But into my late thirties, I had this hair epiphany and decided my hair was my hair, and I wasn’t going to sew in any more bundles to throw shade to my hair of not being fabulous enough. And the funny thing is, as time went on without the bundles, I grew to love my hair more, and I learned how to care for it and style it in a way that gave me more confidence than any sew-in had ever (well, I found the perfect stylist who could anyway). Do I still wish I was born with thicker locks sometimes? Yes! Because I love big hair, but I learned to be happy and content with what God gave me. Again, this is not to diss those who get installs and weaves for protective styling because protective styling is needed (because I love some low-maintenance braids)! But, it was realizing (for me) that hair weave wasn’t just about protective styling. It was not feeling confident with my natural hair without it and growing to love what I was born with. You will hardly ever even catch me wearing false lashes anymore, let alone injecting Botox. I’m straight on that. Jesus, let me gray and wrinkle with grace and in peace (even though the pressure of the world says otherwise). Again, honestly, no shade…
Speaking of hair, not too long ago, I was giving props to my hair stylist for being consistent with her gym workouts because she had the gains (she’s fine). Two minutes later, we laughed because I shared with her my non-emergent goal of putting diligent time into working out so that I, too, could be fine. I really am happy with what God gave me (except for the constant need to wax).
I feel happy, grateful, fulfilled, and excited about what this next decade in life will bring. I still have big dreams and big goals and I plan on achieving every single one.
In all transparency, I feel I am in a stagnant era but don’t confuse that with me ever giving up or stopping my press towards the mark. I refuse to stop until God completes His work in me.
Ms. Steele, your January blog post struck several chords, and I appreciate that—cheers to the decades we are blessed with and the insights and transitions they bring. And in the words of Ms. Morrison, “Look. How lovely it is, this thing we have done – together.”
Xo.
P.S, This is the purple DVF dress I referred to in my last blog post.
