Recalling pregnancy and infant loss… my heart to you Chrissy

I woke up to October this morning (thank you, Lord) and opened my IG. Moments later, tears formed in my eyes from the emotional recall of what I was reading–-Chrissy Teigen’s caption on the loss of her sweet baby Jack. I found myself asking, ‘how did she do this?’ The strength she had to have to share this in real time made me even more weepy because I recalled myself after we lost Ethan, so void of energy to share anything with anyone. Of course, I don’t personally know Chrissy, but empathy made me hurt for her.

Crazy, a few days ago, on IG, I saw a picture of a mother with cold cabbage on her breasts, jesting at the ‘glamorous’ joys of motherhood. Again, emotional recall. Recall of my breasts full of milk for days and days and days after I came home from delivering Ethan. Recall of me standing in my foyer bathroom trying to express milk to relieve the pain from overflowing ducts and then stuffing cold cabbage leaves in my sports bra, all the while tears running down my cheeks at the constant reminder that I didn’t bring my baby home with me.

October is famously branded as the pink month for breast cancer awareness but maybe not so well known for it being national pregnancy and infant loss month. And October 15th is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. You never forget your darkest of days.

Chrissy, I don’t know you, but my heart to you. You are so incredibly amazing. Love and prayers.

To all of the mothers who recalled that same heartbrokenness while reading Chrissy’s caption, who looked at those pics of her and John and the tears fell from the painful familiarity, my heart to you. You are so incredibly amazing—love and prayers this month and always.