Planning Your Own Funeral

Nobody knows when they are going to die. A lot of us don’t know how it will happen either. It’s a crazy thing.

Oftentimes behind an unexpected, unfortunate death of a loved one, you hear people express “life is fleeting”, “time is precious”, “cherish your loved ones while you can.” Sometimes though I think those emotional realizations don’t totally manifest themselves into conscientiousness living.  We tend to fall back into the comfort of carrying on like time is on our side and a lot of beautiful words go unspoken and deeds undone.

Not too long ago, my timeline was flooded with the devastation of the death of a very beautiful young lady. I didn’t personally know her but I still felt overwhelming empathy in my heart for her family and friends. While strolling through all of the sentiments posted about her beautiful life, I was reminded once again, “life is fleeting”, “time is precious”, “cherish your loved ones while you can.”

Anne Frank, one of the most discussed Jewish victims of the Holocaust, said, “Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.” A few weeks ago I woke up and decided that I was going to start my day by getting a few gratuitous thoughts off of my mind.

I sent a text to my sister telling her that the thing I loved about her most is that she is always trying to be a good sister. I had been meaning to tell her that. I sent a text to a friend who I had been thinking about and kept meaning to text. I told her I missed her and wanted to do lunch or dinner soon. I sent an intimate text to Brian about something I had been thinking about but had not said.

It felt good. I thought well, if I die tomorrow I won’t take those unspoken words, things I had been thinking for weeks, with me.

Don’t misunderstand me, I do NOT want to die. I want to see my son grow up and start his own family. I have so much more I want to accomplish! I thank God for my life and senses.

I have always worked with cancer patients so I feel my perspective on life, gratitude, and death is constantly being put into perspective. I had a patient tell me not too long ago, “It’s ok Amyre. None of us make it out of here alive.”

Brian and I had things in place like life insurance policies and beneficiaries on all of our accounts and such but when Ethan passed away, it made us start to plan details that we had never even really thought about. Like, where we wanted to be buried. We both agreed that we wanted to be buried next to Ethan.  So we purchased the sites next to him.

Every time I attend a funeral (or see one on T.V.) I end up having a conversation with Brian that typically starts with, “If I go before you…”

I was recently watching an episode of Killing Eve (my new favorite drama).  In the episode, Eve Polastri (played by genius Sandra Oh) was sitting in the funeral of her longtime friend/colleague, Bill, listening to his former boss “have words.” Eve could not even stand to listen to these words and, in fact, got up and left in the middle of them, upset, because she knew that it was all disingenuous.

When the show went off, I chatted Brian, “If I go before you, here is a list of approved people who can have words at my funeral…” He chatted me back, “Aight.” There will be no disingenuous people speaking at my funeral (or his for that matter)!

In the meanwhile, I’m going to keep living and loving (and planning). Because life is fleeting, time is precious, and I want to make my words and deeds count.