Friends, how many of us have them? A few nights ago, I came across a blog post about how friendship changes with age, which prompted this post. I also recently had a conversation with someone who shared their revelations on friendship, so, all of this has caused me to reassess my current thoughts on friendship.
I have a very small circle of friends. That kind of always has been the status quo for me. I’ve said it before in previous posts on the matter. At present, I think this can be attributed to a few things. One, I’m an introvert. I have a half-written post about that, so stayed tuned. Two, I don’t trust easily. And three, I’m not down for the exhaustion of high maintenance friendships. Especially at this point at my life.
I also don’t tend to use the word ‘friend’ loosely. If I call someone a friend, then they really are. I’ve been thinking about the people who I call my friends to identify what friendship means to me right now and the type of person I mesh well with. I’ve also been thinking about how certain friendships have progressed or regressed for whatever reasons. I came up with some trending virtues of my current friend sphere.
Friendship means authenticity. I’ve got a thing for genuine (self-contented) people. I would rather have two consistent and authentic people in my corner than a group of Milli Vanilli’s any day. No shade Rob and Fab. I loathe manipulators, and fickle people absolutely irk me.
Friendship means I’m comfortable around you. I’ve learned to trust my intuition. If a person is always putting my Spidey senses in unrest, even subtly, then the long-handled spoon is what that relationship tends to be fed from, no matter who you are. I’m not into forcing relationships at this point in my life. As I said, I have an introverted personality. Thus I tend to be outside of my comfort zone already when I’m engaging with people. So if I am comfortable around you, then that’s a big deal to me. My friends tend to feel more like family, and I consider them as such.
Friendship means trust. Trust is also a big deal. Nobody knows all of my business except Jesus, and that will be the case until I meet Him. But if I share something personal, even if it is something trivial, I need to be able to feel I can trust that exchange. I need to feel that it won’t be turned into gossip. I’ve seen this so much, which is why I don’t easily open up the floodgates of trust. To me, trustworthiness is a treasure and a must for someone you call a friend.
Also, friends don’t secretly wish downfall on their friends or find sly pleasure when their friends have difficult times. If a person is like this, it makes me believe that they are not happy with themselves. They aren’t self-contented. It’s the whole misery loves company phenomenon. I don’t know if I could or would trust a habitually miserable person.
Friendship is me not having to talk to you every day and that not affecting anything. I work a lot. And that’s my choice because I like my career and I like my coins. I’m also in the thick of toddler motherhood. My career and family are two very important things that currently take the bulk of my time and attention. I’m still learning how to find balance and keep my sanity. I recognize that right now, I can’t maintain a friendship with someone who requires extensive engagement.
I have a friend who I hardly ever talk to via text or on the phone outside of birthdays and holidays; however, we make regular lunch and dinner dates. Our dates are not as often as we would like because, well, life can get hectic and distracting sometimes, but our friendship has grown through the time we do find to spend together. If we set a date and one of us has to cancel for whatever reason, neither one of us harbors some crazy, ill-feeling about it. We uninhibitedly say ok. We eventually reschedule and have a great time catching up every time we meet.
She is not fickle or demanding. There is no taxing emotional turbulence (I experience enough of that with my three year old). I feel she understands what’s important to me right now and respects that. As do I with her. It has made me love and appreciate her so much. Our exchanges are not frequent, but our friendship continues to flourish with time.
Friendship means I care about what you think of me. There is a famous Coco Chanel quote that I love, “I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t think of you at all.” Some years back, someone came to me to let me know about the negative (and very inaccurate) comments someone else, who I didn’t even have a personal relationship with, had said about me. I felt careless, unconcerned about it. One, I’m not into proving myself to anyone, especially at this point in my life. Two, I actually have to value your opinion for me to care about it. The Coco quote is my sentiment. This quote excludes those who hold a place in my heart though. I care about what my treasured friends think of me.
I don’t know what will change in importance to me as I continue to grow older in my friendships. Right now, my love and loyalty lie with those I can depend on for beautiful, genuine, understanding, trustworthy friendships. Hopefully, those bonds will continue to grow stronger and stronger.
What does friendship mean to you right now?
Photo Credit: Instagram/Ashley Seil Smith
