So yesterday, on the way home, I was talking to Brian about feeling that my sincere kindness toward a particular person was always answered with a coldness. If you know me, you know that I am generally unbothered—like me or not, your prerogative, no skin off of my back. This, however, was a little curious to me. I am not looking for this person to be a BFF or even an acquaintance. We have had no altercations or even conversations beyond basic greetings when we see each other. I literally have nothing invested except cordiality in passing. What was I missing about receiving the same in return? Brian nonchalantly responded about how it possibly had to do with “how I looked” and how this person may feel about themselves. That had not crossed my mind about this person. But it was somewhat nonsensical to me because (theoretically) how would being mean help you feel or look better? I instantly thought about Waiting to Exhale—a tipsy Loretta Devine, Lela Rochen, Angela Bassett, and Whitney Houston stylishly sitting on the floor in front of a couch after a candlelit girls’ night. Sentiments of Ms. Houston (aka Savannah), who closes the scene by matter-of-factly saying, “If you’re ugly inside, you’re ugly outside.”
I woke up this morning, and a college friend had DM’d me a reel on IG. It was “The Star Maker,” Natarsha Kinder-Garcia coaching a performer to give more of herself, “Every time you don’t do it, you’re denying your greatness. ..People want to shut you up, they want to shun you, they want to keep you small so that they can feel big. Be big on purpose. And then when you’re done…’cause you’re a pretty girl, and a lot of times when you’re pretty, it’s also that, like… ‘who she think she is,’ all that stuff. Listen, be great, and then when you’re done, be kind. Be great, and then be kind. Because people are going to think you’re not kind because you’re pretty. But be kind after you’re great. But do not not be great to be kind. Do both.”
It was the “do not not be great to be kind” for me. Listen, I’m not saying this particular person who I feel is cold towards my kindness is trying to shun me or keep me small. I am not trying to say that Brian’s speculation is valid either. Whatever the reason is really inconsequential to me–just a (brief) curious observation. After seeing Ms. Garcia encouraging that performer, I feel encouraged too. Line and gloss my lips, spritz on my Chanel perfume, crush my goals, and be a trilogy—great, pretty, and kind. And I refuse to not be great to be kind.
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