I had been grappling with this notion of “work-life balance” for several several months, basically since I went back to work after having Ash. If there was a scale that gauged how I have been panning out with it all, I think it would be tipped more to the side of “unbalanced.”
What’s crazy is, I started writing this post sometime back in October or November. At that time, this post was probably going to be some rant about how there is no such thing as work-life balance. I probably would have used words like ridiculous, unsustainable… impossible. Some months ago, I was standing in the laundry room, putting the millionth load of laundry in the washer machine, and I yelled out to Brian, “there is no such thing as work-life balance!” Or come to think of it, maybe I didn’t literally yell it out, maybe I just said it in my head. Either way…
At last it has taken me half a year to finish a post about it all because… well, as I said, I’ve been unbalanced. Either that or God preoccupied me with other things until he could give me a little revelation on it. So, here I go. Being a working mom has been hard for me to master. I am always…. torn. Do I stay late at work to get caught up on all of my chart dictations and messages? Do I put in the extra hours to be a “great” nurse practitioner? When it was just Brian and I, it was easier for me to make that decision. But with the addition of Ash, I’ve felt conflicted. On any given workday, I’ve already been away from my son for some ten hours, and spending quality time with him every day is super important to me. I’m scared of the guilty feeling of “putting my career before my child.” There have been so many mornings he looks at me with this pouting, sad face as I put on my shoes and snap my pager to my waist. It breaks my heart every time. And so, though I know it will leave me in the weeds at work, I often choose to put the non-pressing things to the side and leave work so that I can make it home at a reasonable time.
Ash doesn’t take many naps anymore, but when he did, I would again feel… torn. Do I take a nap too? I could definitely use one because Lord knows I haven’t consistently slept a straight seven hours in like three years. Sis, I’m tired. Or do I work? Do I take that time to get caught up on those dictations? Or should I try to get caught back up on housework while he is asleep? An unorganized house for me is just depressing. I’ve been told by some to “just let the house go,” but that’s not my calling. My house has to have some level of continual preservation if not for anything but my sanity. Clutter is just the devil.
Maybe I should take a moment to myself and watch an hour of the many hours of TV I have DVR’d. I keep telling myself I will get around to catching up on Grey’s Anatomy. But honestly, watching TV seems like such a waste of time when I have so many other things that I really need to be doing. I’m also a wife… I also need to exercise because this extra ten pounds is not letting me be great. And so, it seems like nothing can be placed on the back burner unless some sort of suffering is faced. It’s been a constant battle of how I should spend my time.
A couple of months ago, I felt vivid frustration with it not being enough time in the day for me to stand at the top of the mountain of wife, mom, nurse and me! I was always exhaustingly trekking up the mountain. Which ultimately made me feel like …. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WORK-LIFE BALANCE! Who made up such a torturing term? I’ve googled the term, trying to figure out what it even really means.
When I first started talking to Brian about starting a blog, he was supportive of the idea because he felt like it would be my creative stress-free outlet from “work” and “life.” Writing has always been therapeutic for me. When I even remotely start to stress about something regarding the blog, he reminds me, “this is supposed to be fun remember.”
I’ve even called my mom a few times, “maybe I’m doing something wrong ma…. I just don’t seem to have any extra time for anything…” She always assures me I’m not doing anything wrong.
One morning, I was scrolling IG (something I’ve actually given a lot less time to lately) and came across a snippet of Joyce Meyer. I used to rock heavy with Joyce Meyer (when I actually had extra time to leisurely read**exasperated face emoji**). Anyway, she was wearing a big red pin with white letters on the left side of her chest that read, “I’m BUSY.” I touched the video to turn the sound on and heard something that gave me a lot to think about. “Time is an interesting commodity because we all have the same amount. Everybody thinks they don’t have enough but it’s obvious we do have enough because we have what God gave us. So, when He gave us twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year, then obviously He’s saying, this is all the time you need to get everything done that I want you to get done. You’ll have time to live a balanced life. You’ll work but you’ll rest. You’ll play. You’ll worship. You’ll have time for relationships. All of life can be in balance. There’s plenty of time for everything. So, let’s stop saying, “I don’t have enough time.” If we are going to say anything, let’s say, “I’m not using my time wisely.”
You’ll have time to live a balanced life. Right, says no one with a clingy toddler who has bizarre sleep habits. The thing is though, I did start thinking about how I spent my time. Yeah Amyre, you are wearing that same pin on your chest. You are super busy but are you using your time wisely?
Though a piece of me still thinks the whole “work-life balance” phrase is fanciful, I don’t believe Joyce Meyer is off point with what she is trying to teach here. I started paying very close attention to how I spent my time (at work and at home) which showed me a few areas in which I could improve my imbalance. I have to admit, there are areas where I’m possibly my own worst enemy. And so currently this is what I’m working on. I have, at least for now, taken the phrase, “I don’t have enough time” out of my vocabulary. That alone has made the trek up my mountain less grueling. Since God is the only one who knows how much “time” I have on this beautiful earth, I’m asking Him to help me manage it all wisely every day. Shout out to Joyce Meyer, who made me change my mindset about this thing.
Anyway, what are your thoughts on work-life balance? What advice would you give to someone struggling with the balance of time?
P.S. Speaking of work, here are my favorite go-to brands for work wear…
Photo Credit: Nicholle Kobi/Instagram
