What I learned from negotiating my salary

A couple of years ago I was in a place in my career where I wanted to make some changes. I had always worked with both oncology patients (solid tumors, i.e. lung, prostate, kidney, and colon cancers) and hematology patients (liquid tumors, i.e. all lymphoma, leukemia, and even some benign blood disorders).  I wanted to swap being a jack (or nurse practitioner) of all trades and become a master of one.  I had narrowed down my interests to lung, genitourinary cancers, and lymphomas.

There was no big rush to change positions. This was sort of a long-term career goal and so I was only casually browsing job listings every so often. But then I came across a listing in radiation oncology specializing in lung and genitourinary cancers that piqued my interest. I had never worked in radiation oncology but had worked with radiation oncology enough over the years to feel some acquaintance with it. After doing some diligent (undercover) research about the position, I applied.

Side note: I was about five months pregnant and was all sorts of worried about the “timing” of transferring to a new department but I will write about all of that later. Here’s the shortened version of the interview process: I was called back for a second interview and then offered the position (and I wanted this position). It seemed like a match made in heaven. However before I said “I do”, there was another big question. Salary? When and how was I supposed to bring this up? Brian, who is unabashedly more direct than me, (and has an innate gift of “negotiating”) was my coach and sounding board throughout the entire process. I still have our chat conversations:

Me: …Anyway so now I feel like I want to talk to them a little more about salary. What do you think? It’s a valid question to ask at this point right?

Brian: Yup. And then if salary is right, you can get into the other stuff.

Me: Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking…..

What is a right salary? lol

Nothing less than?

Brian: Well certainly (******). But the specifics are your call Butter.

You know what it’s like to work it. I can’t put that specific of a value on it.

Me: Yeah

What a great coach right? He was forcing me to appraise my value (and yes he also calls me Butter). I had mostly been communicating via email with the supervisors and so this is how I asked about salary, with an email:

“… I really enjoyed my time with everyone on Friday and I am definitely still interested in the position. It seems like a great opportunity. I do have a couple of questions. First, I know you spoke about getting this position filled sooner than later, so if this position were offered to me, what time frame would you be looking for me to start by? Also (****) spoke briefly about discussing salary at some point prior to an offer being made. Who would I have that discussion with?” 

That’s when it all began! I got an initial response to this email with a “we will be in touch” adieu. But then a whole week went by and I heard nothing. I went in to panic mode:

Me: Man, since I sent that email, it’s been crickets!

Brian: Lol

Yeah. That doesn’t matter though.

We’re in no rush. We’ll wait her out.

Me: Yeah. I just hate waiting...

Brian: Yeah

Me: …but the closer I get to June the better for me!

Brian: Yup. God is in your corner.

And then I got an email:

“Hi Amyre, sorry for my delay. I would like to offer you a salary of $$$$$. Please let me know as soon as possible if this is acceptable and we can move forward. Thanks much,”

The problem was it wasn’t acceptable.   It was lower than what I was hoping. What was I supposed to do?! Brian was totally chill and casually told me to email her back and let her know what specific number I was hoping for.  So after a couple of drafts and approval from my coach, I nervously sent an email back:

“Thank you for extending me this offer. I am still very interested in this position and think it is a great opportunity for me. Unfortunately, $$$$$ is lower than I feel I can accept. I do want to accept this position and feel I would work great with the rad onc team given my experience. I would love to move forward if you are able to reconsider the salary to a salary of $$$$$$.”

Oh the nerves that were overtaking me at this point!

Her response:

“Hi Amyre, thanks for your response. The top salary that I can offer you is $$$$$$. I hope you will strongly consider this offer. Please let me know how else I can be helpful in this matter,”

She offered me a salary $500 shy of what I had asked. Both Brian and I agreed that it was a go!

Me:

“Thank you. I accept this offer and I’m ready to move forward.

Thanks again,

Amyre”

 Her:

“Excellent, I look forward to working with you… Will be in touch soon,”

Yes, I literally have kept every exchange from my first salary negotiation! I wasn’t there six months before I got a pay raise exceeding my initial salary request. I have had two more additional pay increases since. Talk about money moves!

What did I learn from my first salary negotiation? I learned that it’s not a gorilla.

So I have to explain this. There is an ongoing joke in our family that stems from my dad’s fearlessness. We have always been amazed that it seems that my dad is not scared of anything! Nothing seems to ever shake him. He has always managed to keep his cool even in the craziest or stirring of situations. One night (a long time ago) we were all picking at him, joking about our wishes to be so unshaken like him.

So I asked him, “Daddy for real, is there anything you are scared of at all?!” His response was, “What is there to be scared of? …Unless you come in to contact with a gorilla!” He said this very calmly and then walked out of the room. Of course in typical family silliness we all erupted in laughter. To this day we have referenced gorillas as the one and only thing you should ever be afraid of (according to my daddy).

I thought negotiating my salary was a “gorilla.” I had never done it before and actually had never imagined that I would ever have to do it. So in my head, it was this enormous intimidating notion that was primarily for people with elaborate careers and big contracts and such. It’s not. It was a skill that a 33-year-old nurse practitioner who wanted to advance her career had to conquer. Looking back, I can’t believe I was such a nervous wreck every single time I sent an email back to the supervisor. Looking forward I can’t believe the confidence I gained in myself to do it again. With the help of Brian of course…*eye winkie emoji*!

It was a wakeup call to what owning your worth really means. You hear it all of the time, “know you worth.” But knowing your worth doesn’t always mean you own it. A part of me just wanted to except the first thing that was offered and keep it moving. Sometimes you short change yourself because you have never really considered what your worth truly is or you just don’t want to “rock the boat.” Or, you’re just scared.

Earlier this year I came across an article about Ellen Pompeo, the star of Grey’s Anatomy, and her $20 million a year salary negotiation. My negotiation pales in comparison and it took everything in me to do. So, I instantly thought, wow, you go girl (hashtag for real money moves)! She told the Hollywood reporter, “I’ve finally gotten to the place where I’m OK asking for what I deserve, which is something that comes only with age.” Apparently she had a good “coach” in her corner too! Shonda Rhimes (the creator of Grey’s) told her, “Decide what you think you’re worth and then ask for what you think you’re worth. Nobody’s just going to give it to you.” You can read the entire article here.

I had one of the supervising physicians (in the department I was leaving) say to me during an informal exit interview that me asking for a higher salary was “impressive” and “admirable.” I guess it is, isn’t it? And, it’s definitely not a gorilla.

 

Photo credit: Timothy Blanks