HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY – GREAT ADVICE FROM 4 AWESOME MOMS

Last week I was lying on my bed, brainstorming on what to write about for Mother’s Day. Do I make a list of great gifts? Do I talk about what I love most about my mom? I looked at Brian and casually said, “It would be great if I could talk to the moms I admire most and ask them to share some advice with other mothers….” Brian’s response, “that’s exactly what you should do!” His follow-up, “…you should write a letter to Michelle Obama.” (He knows how much I love her!) So here it is! Advice from 4 mothers who over the years I have had great admiration for (minus our former FLOTUS). I admire them all for different reasons but the common denominator is their beautiful commitment to being a great mom. You can clearly see it in their responses.

What better way to start than with my mom. Fredda Shelton, mother of three. I’ve always admired her ability to do it all. Now that I am mother , I am totally in awe of my childhood. How did you just work a full midnight shift, prepare breakfast lunch and dinner, clean up the house, attend a PTA meeting, sew me a dress for church and plant a flower garden all in one day?! Inquiring minds really do want to know at this point because I think I may be doing something wrong. Talk about S on the chest!

Dorothy Johnson, mother of four. I’ve always admired her lovability. Trust me, if you met her you would love her. She is officially my sister’s Godmother. My Godmother passed many years ago and so I just made myself an honorary God-daughter. When I asked my mom why she chose her to be my sister’s Godmother her response was “because I admired how she took care of her kids and how she took care of her home….” That is exactly the pre-requisite I had for choosing Asher’s Godmother.

Her name is Monica Tatum, Asher’s Godmother. She is also the mother of four. Brian and I met her and her husband at church. I’ve always admired her instinctive mommyness (yes I made that word up).

Nithya Ramnath. She is the mother of two and an absolutely brilliant doctor! I met her while working in medical oncology some years ago. I’ve always admired her super human capabilities. She can instantaneously remember unique information about every SINGLE patient. Like how they got their first puppy 6 months ago and named him Thunder. (Sometimes I can’t remember people’s names an hour after they tell me!) On top of all that she has accomplished, she has such a humble, beautiful heart. Did I mention she is absolutely brilliant! For real, Google her!

I know you may not know these moms so you are going to have to trust me when I say they are the crème de la crème of mothers and their advice is golden **eye winkie emoji**.

On work/life balance….

“Before my first baby was born, I was working 7:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m. Three years later when the second blessing was added, I adjusted my work schedule to 5:00 p.m – 11:00 p.m. Three years after that with my last child, I changed my schedule to work midnight shift, 11:00 p.m. – 7:00 a.m. I had a babysitter but I couldn’t do it. I wanted to take care of them. I kept changing my schedule so that I could take them to school or pick them up from school, or so I could better take care of them….Ultimately when my home was clean, my children were comfortable, and the fragrance of home cooking filled the kitchen, I was happy in my heart.” -Fredda Shelton

“There is no such thing as work/life balance; this is a term coined at a time when work was defined as a 9 to 5 operation. With the advent of technology, work merges into “life” unless we make a conscious effort to turn it off! It can also mean different things to different moms! For me, it might mean a day where my family gets 3 meals, my patients are squared away and my email inbox has been addressed! I am a great believer in lists and priorities. I start my day with a simple paper list of to do’s (one for home and one for work) and I sometimes put down something I might have completed just to get pleasure out of striking it off as done!! I also love wearing my 2 hats, 3 if you count mother, doctor and wife. Each of these roles are demanding, yet wonderful and a privilege. I have to interchange the hats at various times of the day, but approach it with a sense of love! If in doubt, ask why? The question why are we doing something often allows us a sense of pride in our tasks. Why for instance do I wake up at 5:30 a.m. to make a hot breakfast with eggs and fruit for my family? Because I want the children to have a healthy start and I enjoy the quietness of the kitchen and the aromas of a home cooked breakfast. It just provides me with a sense of calm for the day. I say my prayers as I am driving to work: why? I pray that I make the right decisions for my patients and I also pray that they do as well as can be. Taking a time out during the day, taking a walk, admiring nature allows me to clear my head and think better. But, by the end of the day, sometimes 10 p.m., I am exhausted enough and crash like any other mom!” -Nithya Ramnath

On mom guilt…

“I don’t suffer too much of this (maybe from time to time). You see from the time they were old enough to understand, I have said to the children that God wishes their mother not only to help her children but also other people, being a doctor, so they need to share me! My children knew this early on and have a tacit acknowledgment of my roles. There are times of course; like the “you are fine, go to school!” morning to my kids, only to be called by the school nurse in the middle of the day because they were not fine and running a high fever. Or the times when I make a fancy dinner, my daughter asks, “Mom, do you have a grant going out?!” -Nithya Ramnath

On fostering a close-knit family…

“I stayed with them all the time. I really never had babysitters. On the weekends I would take them to 7-Eleven and let them go in and buy what they wanted to buy, take them to whatever restaurants they wanted to go to….. you have to treat them on an individual level. I also didn’t go anywhere my kids couldn’t go. I stayed with them all of the time, not 24/7, but I never put them off on anybody. My husband would say, “here come your little cubs….” I would be in the bed and they would be on the bed with me, or my son would be on the floor by the bed. We just stayed together all of the time, as much as we could and we talked a lot. We tried to anyway. ” –Dorothy Johnson

“My husband & I always included the children in almost everything that we did, things like traveling, movies, museums, etc. We made sure the children knew that they were a significant part of our lives and that we both enjoyed and loved them. One huge thing we had were our family meetings a.k.a Pow-Wow’s….. Lol. They always allowed us to talk, laugh, and cry about all sorts of things that were on our minds/hearts as a family. I am a true believer of talking to your children to get their perspective on things, and vice versa.” –Monica Tatum

On the most important things…

“…show a lot of unconditional love, have a lot of patience and I didn’t compromise. I dedicated my whole time to them. Whatever their needs were, I tried to be there to provide it as best as I could. I showed them a lot of love and compassion. I was very patient too.” –Dorothy Johnson

“Love! Everything I do, breakfast, lunch, dinner (I do make all 3) is because of love. I leave them notes about their activities, signing off with love. I read articles from the newspaper, some of them a reminder of how privileged they are. I am a hugger and hug my children as often as they will let me! They are a very precious gift from God and I know they will find their own paths as they grow, but if I can direct or redirect them with love, perhaps their paths may be more meaningful and fulfilling.” –Nithya Ramnath

“…the most important thing that I poured into all my children was how much I loved them and how I’m so blessed that God allowed me to be their mom, because he could have chosen someone else. ” –Monica Tatum

“…Starting at 6 months, I opened a savings account for each of them and deposited into it monthly so that when they graduated high school, I would have a gift to give them.” –Fredda Shelton

On keeping your sanity…

“As a mom, you can get overwhelmed at times but what has always helped me was thinking on Job from the Bible. I have had to reel myself back in by thinking, quoting, & remembering him and all that he endured. I would say to myself Monica, if Job did it (endured), you can too. This has always helped me, along with praying to God.” –Monica Tatum

“I can do all things through Christ…” –Fredda Shelton

“I have a lot patience and tolerance. When I dedicated my life (to the Lord) that’s when I really learned more patience and how to deal with them.” -Dorothy Johnson

On random things…

“As a mother, I am to teach, watch, understand, and love the children God has blessed me with. To achieve my goals as a mom, I pray for instruction and direction…. ” –Fredda Shelton

“I wish I had known not to be so strict with them. I think if I had known then what I learned as I got older I wouldn’t have been so strict with them. You have lack of knowledge when you are young and growing up. You do some stupid and dumb stuff and you realize later on in life, why did I do that?…Everybody is not a real mother. Some people are just birth parents. They don’t become mothers. When you have that motherly love toward your children you will do whatever it takes, whatever you need to do, as long as it is right.” –Dorothy Johnson

“As a mother, I would want to tell other mothers to remember that children are God’s gift to you from him. You should always, no matter how young or old they become, cherish, nurture and love your children. You should make each child feel special. My children, each one will say that they are my favorite child, but really, they are (ALL) my favorite (equal). ” –Monica Tatum

“There are no rules. Most times you just wing it and mother’s instincts are almost always right! Also, you think you have control, but no! Que sera sera!” –Nithya Ramnath

Thank you to these mother’s for being my inspiration and for setting the bar that I reach for daily. I love you! To all of the awesome mom’s around the world setting bars and inspiring us newer moms, I love you too! Have a beautiful and happy Mother’s Day!

Photo Credit: Farmgirl Flowers/Instagram