Last year was all about learning to manage my new life as a working mom. I remember days walking to my car after work totally amazed, proud, with superwoman euphoria. I also remember days when I felt like I was failing miserably, and super wife, super nurse, and super mom would seemingly never co-exist.
Of course when 2018 rolled around I still hadn’t “mastered” managing all the pieces of myself. Honestly, I don’t know if you ever really do. But I became less preoccupied with that notion. I became more fascinated with growth. I realized that it was probably going to look something like good stock in the market, up and down over time but overall headed up. And if there was honest, gritting growth I was okay.
This year I launched my blog, my passion project. Last night I started from the beginning looking at my first posts til now. I see the growth (and I hope you guys do too). I remember being so frustrated trying to get my site up. I didn’t feel like I was “tech savvy” enough to do it myself. It all seemed so foreign to me. When I began looking for someone to do it for me, I realized that it could get quite pricey. Alas, Brian forced me to sit at the computer and figure it out. It was a little painful for me. But if not anything, it taught me that most things are figureoutable and you are only as savvy as you are willing. I finally finished my site and on January 7th, 2018, I hit the launch button. The rest is history.
I didn’t win any big nursing awards or nominations at work like last year, but I am totally okay with that because I received way more compliments and acts of kindness from my patients (and bosses) over the year and that kind of means more to me. I did become a published nurse practitioner though in January (in the International Journal of Radiation Oncology), so that was pretty nice.
This year was full of kisses, tickles, hugs, piggy back rides, hide-n-seek, story times, Sesame Street, Toy Story, Turbo, and Cars (Cars 2 is Ash’s absolute favorite) movie nights. We celebrated birthday number two in September. I still can’t believe it. Mom guilt is such an unrelenting phenomenon and work-life balance seems like such a phantom concept at times, but it has been the absolute most rewarding thing being a mother and watching this little beautiful person grow. Brian and I had a couple few conversations about expanding our family, but those plans remain in limbo so, to be continued.
I didn’t have as many home projects this year (I guess I took care of the majority of that in 2017). My biggest accomplishment was organizing my closet. It’s really my new favorite room now. I plan to share that with you guys soon!
This year I learned that you can’t let people’s craziness, dis-ingenuousness, pettiness, craziness, drama, insecurities, craziness, and irrational neediness wear you down. You can’t try to rationalize any of it either because you will start to internalize it and that can be damaging.
I know this because by the time November rolled around, I had experienced enough of the above so that I felt uncharacteristically exasperated. On November 30th I drove home from work thinking this is it, November is out of here (thank God), the last month of the year is here. With that thought, I let all the bad things go. Satan you can have several thorn cladded seats because I’m bowing out of 2018 on God’s wing no matter what.
And I am. I am saying farewell to 2018 on a pretty good note today. Thank you God for everything …2019, let’s go.
What were some of your 2018 highlights?
Photo credit: Timothy Blanks
