A friend of a friend, that’s how I met Renee Pitter some years ago. My initial impression of her was that she was a no nonsense type of woman with perfect eyebrows.
We saw each other on occasion throughout the years at birthday celebrations, or if our mutual friend (who moved out of town) came back into town and coordinated time with “the girls.” And then we started noticeably enough bumping into each other at work. The love and respect between the two of us slowly but instinctively grew.
A first generation American, raised in Evanston, Illinois, right outside of Chicago. Her parents are immigrants from Jamaica. She has a (dual major) Bachelors of Arts in Political Science and Afro American studies and a Masters of Public Health (MPH), both from University of Michigan. Hail yes sis!
Most of her career has been in public health (HIV prevention, women’s health, community health). She incidentally fell into biomedical research for a four year span. Currently though, she is trekking her way up in public health research at the University of Michigan focusing on disparities in sexual and reproductive health. Basically she is about that life.
The cold and snow has been so relentless lately here in Michigan. I saw a meme the other day with a picture of Obama in some black shades with the caption, ‘it was never this cold when Obama was in office’ **insert all appropriate emoji’s here**. It was never a lot of things when Obama was in office. But that’s another way on another day. Through the massive snow storms and frigid polar vortex of our blessed mitten shaped state, I was finally able to meet up with Renee and chat about culture, growth, self-reflection, and the future.
On Culture
What do you love most about your hometown? Would you ever move back?
I love the sense of community. And I’m speaking specifically about Evanston… Keep in mind I haven’t lived there as an adult so this is all a child’s perspective. I just remember feeling very loved and valued within my Evanston community because it was very close knit and everybody knew each other. We had one high school, so everybody went to one high school. Everybody knew everybody’s cousin, everybody’s momma. Like literally, you’re walking down the street and you’re like, ‘hi misses so and so, hi mister so and so….’ That kind of foundation, I think, really helped me to be who I am. Even in my most insecure, low self-esteem time, I’ve never questioned if I was loved because I was raised in a family and in a community that was very clear about that.
Would I ever move back? Uhhhhh, it’s pretty expensive to live there (lol) and I don’t have any professional ties there. But I wouldn’t be against it. My brother still lives there. He loves it. He’s actually in Chicago, like North side, Rogers Park and its dope. It’s beautiful. He lives right off the lake, walking distance from the lake. It’s great. So I wouldn’t be opposed to living there but that might be something I would want to do later. Not right now. It’s expensive (lol).
What has been some of your favorite moments in black culture in the past few years?
Oh my God there were so many. …But I have to say, just because they are getting all these awards right now, Black Panther. It was just everything. Everything. I just feel like we’re in a black renaissance right now in terms of arts and culture. And that means a lot to me too. I am an arts and culture girl. I love the arts. I love music…. The inroads that we’ve been making in terms of pop culture with television shows, movies, music, we’ve had a really good last couple of years. Like with Insecure coming out, all of the really great albums that dropped, A Seat at the table, with Solange, and Sza’s album, and Childish Gambino, like we’ve just had, just like, masterpieces come out. It’s just been really exciting to watch. …I hope it continues so that people have a chance to grow and really show us what they have. I’m really excited about these very young artists, it seems like they’re just scratching the surface but they’re so good, H.E.R, Ella Mai… even Kendrick, some of the people who have been in the game for a while… I’m excited about that.
On Growth
You just turned 35. What has been the biggest lesson of your 30’s?
How important self-love is. Self-love is so important and I’m just getting to that. I think I discovered that definitively around year thirty. Thirty hit me like a brick. Ever since then it’s been, I would say I am on a spiritual journey because it’s been this journey back to myself. I feel like there was a point where I’d lost myself for a little bit. …Just realizing that we’re low key in the matrix a little bit (lol). And so everything that we’ve been taught, a lot of things that we’ve been taught are wrong. Like the whole ‘you’ll find somebody to complete you,’ ‘there’s only one person in the world for you,’ ‘money and power and how you look is important…’, like all of that stuff is wrong. Getting to the bottom of who you are is so important. It’s critical, vital. I feel like that might be the source of suffering. The whole illusion of what is important versus what is really important. I feel like that might be the crux of suffering that we as humans experience.
I just did a post on the “how hard did aging hit you” challenge where I talked about what I would say to my 25-year-old self. What would you say to your 25-year-old self?
I would tell my 25-year-old self, (umm), to focus on herself, to slow down, and to try to tune out all the noise of things that you think that you should be doing and focus on more of who you want to be and what you want to do. Really try to parse out and figure out the things that make you happy and bring you joy and focus on that. And pursue that relentlessly. Almost ruthlessly… And to not be so worried about money. And not be so worried about doing things that are going to delay your path ‘cause I think that we have this whole race against time perspective. Yeah, that’s the advice I would give myself.
On Self-reflection
I came across something on a blog recently, a quote by Nora Ephron (writer, filmmaker known for Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry met Sally…). She describes a game she has played while she waits for her table in restaurants where you have to write the five things that describe you on a piece of paper. From Ephron, “Whatever those five things are for you today, they won’t make the list in ten years – not that you still won’t be some of those things, but they won’t be the five most important things about you…” Today, what are the five things that describe you?
In this time, I would say creative, healer, evolving, tough, beautiful.
What are you most proud of?
Surviving! And thriving. Life is really hard. …I have a lot of things going for me, being educated, coming from a financially stable, two parent household. All of these things that should signal success for my development. But life is still hard. Life is still hard. Even when you have everything working for you, it’s still hard. And so I’m just really proud of myself for the approaches that I’ve taken for things. I’m proud of myself for not giving up in areas that I could give up. I’m proud of myself for hitting the pause and trying to… redevelop myself. I think that sometimes when things happen you have that fight or flight kind of thing, and I feel like in a lot of cases I’ve chosen to fight where I didn’t have to. Things are different than what I thought they would be and I’ve liked rolled with it and I feel really good about it.
Have you ever felt insecure about something? How did you conquer that?
Girl, everything (LOL). I probably subconsciously put my hand in my hair because that was (like) one of the many things. Growing up in the 90s, so this is pre, I want to just be really clear, that it’s pre natural hair movement, I was very insecure about my hair. I was teased about it by boys that I later found out actually liked me and that’s why they were teasing me but I didn’t know that. And I was just very insecure about my hair. I wanted it to be long and straight and flowy and all of this stuff. And I remember one time I saw an ad in a magazine and it said, ‘there are ideal standards of beauty and you are not it.’ And I ripped that out and I put it on my wall. And ever since then I have been very committed to filling myself with images of nontraditional, or what would be considered, nontraditional beauty. It took me going to college to, to like, really lean into my hair and the state that it is. I figured that I’m going to keep chasing this standard of beauty that’s not realistic so I might as well create my own. So that’s how I conquered it was to just lean into it. And that goes for everything. That has to do with my body. My booty not big enough. We’re starting a little booty’s movement! I don’t know if you qualify Amyre but feel free to join (lol). Like all of that. I’m just going to celebrate whatever I am. That’s what I’m going to celebrate. I’m going to fill my Instagram feed with that and just soak it up until the rest of it doesn’t matter. Apparently everybody will catch up later, like they did with the natural hair movement.
On Style
What’s is your favorite (or the most worn) thing in your wardrobe?
I can’t wear it now cause it’s cold outside but I have this pair of denim shorts from Old Navy and when I tell you it’s a wonder the dang gone threads hold together… I wear those shorts at every opportunity. Like they just make me so happy. They’re like short and they flip over and they’re really comfortable and they have pockets and I can like stick my phone in my back pocket and I can wear sneakers… I wear them all the time. That’s my favorite article of clothing. If it wasn’t as cold as it is now, I’d wear them with leggings.
I often blog about my “current obsessions (coveted clothes, accessories, art),” what are you currently obsessed with right now?
I just have things that are just my thing. Like, food is my thing. I love food. I love going to a good restaurant. I love cooking. My favorite thing is finding a fruit or vegetable that I’ve never heard of before, that makes me so excited. The other thing is podcasts. Anybody who knows me, they already know. I’m just really really into podcast and interviews. I’m a fan of stories. So anything that’s a good story. That’s why I love the arts. I love music. I love movies and books and stuff because I like to hear people’s path of how they got to where they are, what they’re doing, or what they’re thinking about. And I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking a lot about mental health. I feel like that’s kind of trendy right now, so that might be why. But one of my favorite podcast is ‘Therapy for Black Girls.’ It’s really good. I realize now that I really am like a social scientist. So things that have to do with humans interacting with one another, that’s just endlessly fascinating. I could probably listen to it all day.
If you had to give a short speech on behalf of all natural hair girls, what would you say?
We are not necessarily more confident. We go through a lot of the same insecurities, maybe even more so then girls who wear their hair straight. But the thing that I can say is that I think it’s more of like a determination, or like a decision maybe, to stick through it and be OK with yourself. There are days that I wear my hair natural and I feel so beautiful and confident and there are days that I wear my hair and I feel terrible, but it’s not because of my hair, it’s just general, you know. So I would just say, I guess, if I had to give a speech, I guess I would say it’s important. Because the personal is political. We are making a statement to the world, on behalf of ourselves, also on behalf of everyone else, our sisters with straight hair. I really think about people who are on the margins and are the other. We’re like we’re not going to compromise. You’re not going to guilt me into feeling like I have to assimilate. You’re not going to guilt me into feeling like I am ‘other.’ Like, I belong here. I guess I never really thought about it but that’s really what natural hair says. It’s like, I’m not compromising myself so that you can feel comfortable. I’m not changing something about me for any other reason. This is who I am. You’re going to have to accept it. And if you can’t, then you’re the one who is going to have to make the change.
While we are on the subject of natural hair, what are sister-locks and how did you get into doing them?
I do sister-locks and I’ve started to do traditional locks. I’m thinking about starting to braid but right now I do sister-locks primarily. I’ve been doing it for the last 3-4 years. It’s a natural hair system, basically like dreadlocks but they’re very very small. It’s in a particular organized grid so it looks very put together. I have a series of hair clients, I do their hair and they have to come back to get it re-tightened so I see them almost every month. But it’s great because it really feels like a spiritual calling because you spend at least three hours in somebody’s hair. To me that feels very sacred for somebody to even give you the privilege of doing their hair. And it’s very intimate. I was looking for a new stream of income that wasn’t going to be adding more stress to my life and my dear friend told me that she was a sister-lock consultant and she did hair. So I took the training course and I put up an ad on Facebook. …It has changed my life immensely. I literally have met thee best people through this. It feels like a calling. It makes me really happy. It’s very labor intensive. It’s hard on my body but it is so warm on my spirit. It’s great.
On Inspiration
What’s a book, article, piece of literature that you think every woman should read?
I think everyone, period, should read this book by bell hooks, it’s called ‘all about love.’ And actually it’s required reading for anyone who wants to date me. I’m serious…I’ve literally, I have sent this to two suitors…(lol). There is a part of it that talks about relationships but it talks about love in general and that is one of the books that was really helpful. Remember earlier when I said that we’re like in a matrix and everything we’ve been taught is wrong? That book is a blue pill for love basically. It breaks down that love is not just this frou frou feeling, and you just feel it, it’s like very systematic. The love part that we feel is something called cathexis and that’s like the lovely dovey feeling, but love is also, there are like seven principles…. Responsibility, compassion. It’s a bunch of different things that make up the sum of love. And so if you’re interacting with somebody and they’re not respectful of you, they’re not responsible to you, they’re not caring towards you, then that’s not love.
I have to ask (because it was one of my favorite responses from my conversation with Ideeyah), 4 women you adore and what notes have you taken from them?
Jeanette Reid-Pitter. Obviously the very first one will be my mother. And actually I was having a similar conversation with her about this. The four women that I’ve chosen, I chose them because they’ve shown me how to be a woman in different ways. There is just not one way to do it. So growing up, my mom and my aunts, everybody was married, had a husband and children and was very dedicated to that. My mom is a very interesting person because she’s like a little bit shy and a little bit, like, unsure sometimes. She’s very hard on herself….’oh I don’t look a certain way, oh I don’t do this and that.’ But she is so strong. She’s a nurse. She is one of those people who when the rubber meets the road, that’s who you want there. Like if you dropped dead that’s the person you want someplace close to you. She’s not squeamish, she doesn’t panic, she jumps into action. I always thought of her as, oh she is like quiet and shy. But she is so strong. I just see it that strong doesn’t always have to be a loud mouth, and brash, and you’re ready to fight. You can have a quiet strength like my mom has.
Dr. Nesha Z. Haniff. The other person, she’s like a contrast to my mom, is my mentor. She’s a professor at the University of Michigan in woman’s study and African American studies and she’s really the opposite of my mom. She’s been married a couple of times but, for the most part, has spent a lot of her life being single, has traveled the world, a feminist, and outspoken…And so somebody might look at her and be like oh that’s the way to be, that’s how woman should be. But then she’s also like very sensitive and certain things will hurt her feelings. And so I guess it’s just like (they) have taught me that what you see on the outside is not the totality of a person and that it’s okay to have these different characteristics and you’re still a strong, good, worthwhile woman.
Vancey Pruett. I met her through doing hair. She is also a very strong woman. Through doing her hair, I have, basically like, collected her life story. She has been through so much; she’s had so many different jobs, she has had like a slew of different illnesses. And she just has really shown me what it means to live well. With or without your husband, with or without your kids. Just what a woman looks like. She really is the picture of what a woman looks. These women have shown me what it means to have character. You hear people talk about character a lot and people don’t describe what that means, ‘you need to be somebody of good, moral character.’ And you’re like, OK so I don’t lie, I don’t cheat, I don’t steal. But there’s a level of bravery and courage I think. That’s the running theme between all of these women, is their bravery and courage that a lot of people don’t have. To face themselves, to face situations, to admit when they’re wrong, that kind of thing. To say, you know what, this isn’t working. I’m going to stop, and turn around and do something different. Or this isn’t working but I’m going to sit here in it until it does work (right). But nobody could tell them which one of those things to do. They had to figure it out for themselves. And that’s the thing that they’ve taught me. Is that they can’t give me the answer, I have to figure it out for myself.
Minnell Reid. The last person is my grandmother on my mom’s side. Same thing. She has all of those same characteristics. She was a very bold… she wasn’t afraid to say things kind of woman. That I learned at a very early age because I grew up in the house with her. A lot of things that she did I didn’t understand at the time but I really understand them now. We’re living in a very different world but I take those things with me. She’s very foundational.
On The Future
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Fly as hell! Ten years, forty-five… I expect to have had a bunch of dope experiences, a continuation of what I’m doing now. I can’t say, like, I aspire to have a certain job role, like I plan to be the president, or the director… I mean I do, I do, my goal is to continue to move up. But I do think that there is a sense of maintenance that I would like to continue with. My life is a big adventure and so I just expect to have a collection of dope experiences like I did from the last ten years. I expect to fall in love, and maybe fall out of love in the next ten years. Hell, I expect that in the next six months (OK). I expect to continue to be able to take care of myself and help my family. I expect to have some sort of major loss, whatever that looks like. I expect to see a part of the world that I’ve never seen before. I fully expect to eat delicious food. I expect to question a lot of things…. I expect to have a really good time. I expect to be grateful. I expect God’s full grace to be with me through every single minute of these next ten years.
Thank you so much for this Renee! All of this and all my love! Xo
Photo credit: Timothy Blanks
P.S. Every Woman: Ideeyah
