It was the summer of 2005. A young bride stood next to her dad wearing her dream wedding dress in an endearing Ypsilanti church facing her high school sweetheart, her Pastor, a somewhat sizable bridal party, and a modest crowd of family and friends. That would be me. Behind me was my bridal attendant dressed in an A-line, petal pink, taffeta skirt and belted organza blouse, with a matching beaded bracelet on her right wrist, straightening out my train, preparing me for my walk down the aisle. That would be Kim. Kimberly M. Brown at the time, now she’s Mrs. Dobine. I met Kim in high school. We both attended Renaissance in Detroit. We were both in the choir. As you know from several of my previous posts (and my marriage), my high school choir was fertile ground for many lasting relationships.
Back in the day Brian had this weird thing of endearingly passing out nicknames to his friends and family. He gave me ‘Aimer’ which is just a variation of the common mispronunciation of my name. Eventually everyone shortened it to just ‘Aim,’ which stuck. Even my mom will still say, “Hey Aimer girl…” He didn’t stray from Kim’s name. He thought it befitting to just jovially change where to stress it. Instead of pronouncing her name as normal folks would, with stress on the first syllable, KIMberly, he has always referred to her as KimBERly. Why is he this way?
Kim still calls me Aim.
I have a picture of me and Kim in our junior year standing in Brian’s parents living room, all dressed up with our evening wraps (hers beige and satin, mine ivory and sheer) draped across our backs and around our arms, preparing to head off to prom with the double 0’s (senior choir boys). I have a Polaroid picture of us with a group of other choir girlfriends (Jennifer, Nikita, and Michelle) at our senior prom standing in front of an airbrushed backdrop. All of us wearing corsages on our left wrists. Me in a long beaded black dress (with a white beaded neckline) slightly kneeling in the middle and Kim standing behind me in a strapless champagne colored ensemble with her hands resting on my shoulders.
I have a picture of Kim fixing my train on my wedding day and another one of her laughing with my God sister at the reception after the bouquet toss. Now fourteen years later, I have a picture of us posing in the middle of the streets of Ann Arbor on a crazy brisk Saturday morning. I have this irritating phenomenon of spontaneously crying in cold weather, which tends to ruin any make up I’m wearing. I now have the indefinite memory of Kim helping me to carefully wipe my tears while telling me in partial “mother” tone that I should have brought tissue! Signed with her signature laugh. Though my photographer didn’t capture that moment; I think that is the picture and beauty of sisterhood.
After Renaissance, Kim went on to Alabama, A&M University and graduated with her bachelor’s degree in communications and political science.
In September 2013 Kimberly launched Posh and Popular, a pink lipped logo’d personal style and beauty blog which morphed into a run of her vlog series, Pink Kisses with Kimberly and friends, the absolutely amazing Fashion and Beauty Summit, now off of its 3rd year, and the P.O.S.H and Popular foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to uplifting women who are transitioning from prison and domestic abuse.
Back in 2008 she was crowned Miss Black California. A little over a year and a half ago she became a mommy (to Lourdes Marcelle) and just two months ago she was awarded the Spirit of Detroit Award. Yes KimBERly! Now she is here, on MeMe She, talking about inspiration, meaning, encouragement, and style.
ON INSPIRATION
I wrote a blog post called “Notes from 4 women I adore,” … It’s my favorite thing to ask in my ‘Every Woman’ series. What four women do you adore and what notes have you taken from them?
The first one is my God mother. She passed away ten years ago. She was the most amazing woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Beautiful, extremely talented, well-spoken, educated, wealthy, but a giver in everything that she did. She made sure that the people around her were nurtured, were loved, felt love. She gave to anybody. She wanted everybody to be successful. And when she believed in somebody, she really gave everything. Her name is Charnetta Stenson. Like I said she passed away to cancer ten years ago. She’s really one of my biggest inspirations and really one of the people who inspired me to do what I’ve been doing.
Another woman who I adore is my Auntie Felicia. We call her Auntie FeFe. Felicia Jordan. She’s been an entrepreneur for the last thirty years. She’s another one. I think it’s kind of a trend with me. I’m really connected to or I really gravitate towards women that I see that pour into so many people. She is that Auntie that we can all call if we need anything, if we need to talk, she’s literally our family’s voice of reason. To me, while my family is very close, to me she is the glue. Everybody meets at her house. We all end up at her house. She’s just a genuinely amazing woman. Strong, God-fearing, hard-working, she’s shown me how to overcome obstacles. She’s shown me what it means to be a good wife, what it means to be a committed wife, just through her example. Even when it wasn’t so great, she’s always still been just amazing. She’s one that I adore.
This goes without saying, Oprah Winfrey. I adore her. Never met her a day in my life but I feel that at some point in my life, not only will I meet her, but I will be connected to her in a way that will take my life to another level. I don’t know what that looks like, but I’ve always said that. Even when I was a little girl, and I know everybody say don’t call nobody Auntie but she Auntie O to me! I just admire her for building something from the ground up and being who she is. The billionaire, the giver, the ultimate giver. When you talk about being able to give, I want to have the level of success, even if I’m not at Oprah status, to the point where I can give back on an Oprah level. So she’s a huge inspiration to me. Always has been, always will be when it comes to media, when it comes to just being a mogul. She’s my go-to as she is for many women. Not just black women, but all women.
…Sarah Jessica Parker. I adore her. I am the black version of Carrie Bradshaw (laughs) and so I just love her so much! I think she’s always just kind of been authentically herself. I think she’s been bold in her fashion options and her fashion risks. Me and her are very similar. I’m not really a cookie cutter type of dresser and so that’s always been my go-to fashion inspiration, business inspiration, just everything. So yes, Sarah Jessica Parker is one woman who I absolutely adore and if I see her on the street I’m going to run up to her and hug her and say, ‘Sarah, let’s go have lunch!’
If you could have a conversation with anyone in the world, it would be…. because….
Barack Obama. Is there anything else that I need to say after that?! Because… he’s Barack. The first black president of the United States. That’s a conversation. I need to know. I want to know from beginning to end what happened. His entire experience, every obstacle, what he really wanted to say in those speeches. I want to know what you really wanted to say Barack! How did you really feel when you had to welcome President Trump into the office? How did you really feel when that happened? I would need a day with him ’cause I need to just know…
ON MEANING
What does happiness mean to you?
Happiness means waking up every day and being grateful for every opportunity that you’ve had. Being grateful for your portion. If I’m being honest I can’t even really say I’m truly happy because I’m not happy with my portion. I would hope people would be honest with where they are. I’m grateful for my portion but I’m not completely happy because I know I want more. I want more for my family and I know I deserve to have more. I don’t ever want to feel like I limited myself on what I could obtain. To me happiness is just being happy with what you have, where you are and knowing you’re doing the work to get to the next level. So, I guess I’m happy…. (lot of laughs), I guess.
What does success mean to you?
To me success is complete and utter happiness in anything that you’re doing. Peace in your life. Being grateful for every opportunity you’ve had and every decision that you’ve made that has gotten you to the point of what you feel success is. I feel like success is relative. For me, success is being wealthy. Some people right now would say, ‘you’re very successful Kim.’ I don’t feel successful. I feel like I’m just really scratching the surface. To me I still have a long way to go before I’m truly successful.
But to someone else success may just be having a happy and healthy family and I never try to knock anyone else for their interpretation of what success is. But for me, it’s being as wealthy as I would like to be. It’s having a solid family foundation, an amazing relationship with my daughter, and an amazing relationship with my husband. So that for me is success. As long as I got money, that’s success (laughs).
ON BEING YOU
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
My biggest pet peeve is when people are not truthful. I hate to be lied to. …I hate for someone to try to manipulate me… my discernment is on a thousand. Typically I know when somebody’s lying to me when it’s happening and if I don’t know that they’re lying to me when I find out that they’re lying to me I’m oftentimes disappointed because I don’t feel like I’m an unreasonable person. There’s no need to lie.
If we have plans and you don’t want to go anymore just say, ‘girl I don’t want to go.’ What am I going to do? You know what I mean? That’s my biggest pet peeve when people are not truthful. I think it’s very important for us to be our genuine and authentic selves, so whatever you’re feeling that day, let it be your truth and just be honest about it. Or if you made a mistake, be honest about it. If you forgot something, be honest about it. If you’re running late because you’re just a late person, be honest about it. But it’s not necessary to lie.
What do you know to be true today that you didn’t know a year ago?
Literally everything will be ok. Everything will work itself out. You hear that all the time but you don’t really believe it. But I think after becoming a mom, definitely after becoming a wife, I just really learned that you can’t sweat the small stuff. Life is going to happen. You can’t focus on the things that happen. Just focus on the solution. What I didn’t know, probably what I didn’t believe was that it’s going to be fine. Just relax. Take your time. Do what you can do in this moment and don’t worry about what isn’t done. Just focus on what you can do and you’ll be fine.
What are you afraid of?
Failure. That’s a big fear for me. I can’t fail by any means. It oftentimes is the root of a lot of my anxiety, fears, stress. Not wanting to fail or even to be looked at as a failure or to appear to be a failure. I think that’s why I work really hard to make sure that I’m giving it my best so even if I do fail… I know I’ve given it my all.
What are you really really good at? What’s your superpower?
I’m really good at sifting out BS. I’m really good at production. I’m really good at time management. I’m really good at doing what I say I’m going to do. When I have an idea, taking the idea and putting it into fruition is, to me a superpower because most people are not able to do that or fearful of doing that. I think my biggest superpower is I’m not afraid of anything. Even though my biggest fear is failing, I’m not afraid to take the risks…
…I know that my superpower is if I put my mind to something, I can do anything. I can be a singer if I want to. I can be a movie star if I want to. I can be a fashion icon if I want to. Because I’m willing to do the work. It’s just a matter of figuring out what I want to focus on. That’s my issue, trying to figure out what I want to focus on at one time. Because I’ve honed in on the beauty and fashion thing that’s been my focus.
Another superpower I have is connecting people. Connecting people with other people that align with their destiny. If I know you’re great at doing hair, I’m going to connect you with someone who’s interested in investing in somebody great that’s doing hair. I think I do a really great job of balancing helping people in my own way.
I think my superpower is being myself and being authentic in who I am and not really caring about what people have to say about it. Just doing it.
ON LEARNING
What’s an important lesson you’ve learned recently?
This is probably going to sound really cliché but, follow your first mind. We have these ideas of ok, ‘I’m going to things like ABC and D.’ And then you’re like, ‘oh but I have leeway, so I’ll do it like this.’ Instead of following the first plan we think, ‘oh we have room for error. It’s no problem.’ But in hindsight it just makes sense to do things as simplistic and easy as possible so you can avoid all the issues. …Follow your first mind in business, in life. If you feel in your gut that you shouldn’t go to the party or you shouldn’t go out to dinner with friends, don’t. If you feel like in business you shouldn’t work with someone, or shouldn’t spend this amount of money for that, don’t. Just stick to your gut.
ON DECISIONS
What is one of the hardest decisions you have had to make?
The hardest one honestly has been choosing me. …You are fearful that people are going to judge you, look at you a certain way, be upset with you, be disappointed and at the end of the day what I’ve come to learn in my 36 years of being on this earth is that people choose themselves all the time. They don’t care about how you feel about it. They don’t care what decisions they make, what effect they have on other people and so I’ve decided, in the last few months really, that I choose me.
Going into 2020, if it’s not about me, my child, my relationship with God, and my husband, I could care less. And it’s not to be rude but I’ve been giving and giving and giving of myself for so long and starting to feel resentful almost. Because I feel like people really don’t appreciate the sacrifices that you make for them. People don’t appreciate the way you show up for them. People really don’t care. There is this sense of expectation like people are supposed to show up for you. Or people are supposed to do for you. I found myself being the person, or the friend, or the family member that was always running ragged, showing up for everybody. But then when it was time for me, in a real situation, I’m not talking about a birthday dinner, I’m talking about a real situation, I couldn’t get a phone call, not a check in, not a ‘how you doing?’.
…For the last two years I’ve been going through this pruning season and this isolation period where people who I thought were my friends are no longer in the picture and I’m perfectly ok with that. …I deserve the same thing that I’m dishing out in friendship, as well as in my marriage, in any relationship. So yeah, the hardest decision has been choosing me, but I don’t regret it all.
ON ENCOURAGEMENT
What is one of the nicest, most meaningful things someone has said to you?
It’s going to sound weird, but ‘I’m proud of you’ (from my father). This was back in April. For a very long time, I’ve struggled… even though everyone sees me as this person who’s bubbly, a go-getter, a people’s person, a connector, all of these things. I’ve struggled with whether or not people see what I do as valuable. And see me as valuable. Am I only as valuable as the people that I can connect you with? Am I only as valuable as the next thing that I do for you? And so for a very long time I didn’t even know if my dad really understood what I was doing, what I was capable of, who I was as a person.
I think it took my daughter’s first birthday party for him to really kind of grasp the concept of who I was as a person, as a wife, as a mother. That really meant more to me than anything. People have said a lot of amazing things to me but that coming from him because while we are close, he’s not a very communicative person in that way. He doesn’t express love verbally. He expresses it through giving, paying bills, through showing up for you. But to actually say something out of his mouth that I was unsure he even was, was probably the kindest thing that anybody has said to me.
ON STYLE
What is on heavy rotation in your closet right now?
Ok so in my closet anything that I can fit is in heavy rotation. You want to hear the real answer, the real answer is a burgundy jogging suit that I got when I was pregnant, that a friend gifted me. I wear it every two days. That’s what’s in heavy rotation in my closet if you want the honest answer. Being a new mom, being busy all the time, running, always doing something, I have to be in something that’s comfortable and functional. …It’s a cute jogging suit. It looks like it’s in heavy rotation too cause it’s faded and everything (laughs).
Another staple piece that’s in heavy rotation for me is a black feathered jacket that I have. It’s just a black basic blazer and the bottom is covered in feathers. It is the perfect piece. I don’t care what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing a pair of jeans, if I’m wearing leggings, if I’m wearing a pair of nice slacks. I can put on a regular t-shirt on, or a button up, throw that jacket on and it just elevates any look. I wear it like at least twice a week.
What’s a new clothing label/product/fragrance that you recently discovered and are obsessed with right now?
Asking me what I’m obsessed with is kind of unfair because I’m obsessed with everything when it comes to fashion, when it comes to beauty, when it comes to fragrance. That’s like asking kids do they like candy. But I recently discovered, and I can’t really say discovered, it just came across my Instagram, a designer, Sally LaPointe. I saw Jlo wearing this blue sweater with these fur… it wasn’t even cuffs, it was fur around the elbow portion. It was just going around the whole elbow of this sweater. And I said, ‘who is this Sally LaPointe?’ I need to know more of her.
And so now I’m obsessed. I’m all over her Instagram, liking everything. The clothes just look very functional, very clean, very casual but still chic. I think as I’m getting older and as I’m growing, becoming a mom, my style is changing. Things need to be functional but still chic. Suits are my thing because it’s easy. It matches. It’s easy. I don’t have to think about it. If I don’t want to put nothing up under it, I can put on a nice pair of lingerie or a bra and I’m good to go. But that’s my latest discovery in terms of designers. Can’t afford a thing! But when I do, Sally is going to be all up in my closet ok!
What are 3 things you think every woman should have in their closet?
The first is a white button down. It can even be a men’s button down. But something very crisp, very tailored to your body. A white button down that the buttons don’t cinch. Just a perfect fit. I love men’s white button downs because I just love the way they fit, and I like them a little big so I can ruche the sleeves up and dress them up and down. So that’s one piece.
Another piece to me is a great pair of black pants. You can wear a pair of black pants for the rest of your life and nobody would know the difference. They need to be very well tailored. Great quality spend money on them because you can wear them for the rest of your life.
And then a staple item. One really fun, funky piece. It could be a dress, it could be a jacket, it could be a purse, it could be a necklace but just something that really speaks to your personality, who you are and that if somebody sees you with it on they know that’s your signature piece. My favorite thing used to be tulle, wearing a tulle skirt. But now I would say blazers. I love fun blazers. Different colors, different textures, big sleeves, poufy sleeves, sequin, so a staple blazer right now I think for me. But whatever that is for you. Any one thing that’ll just kind of take your look to another level.
If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
So… you thought I was playing when I said my go-to is my burgundy jogging suit…that’s what I’m wearing every day for the rest of my life if I only get one outfit. I can put gym shoes on with it. I can put heels on with it. I might even throw a little fur on with it. It’s the most comfortable jogging suit. Listen, if I could only wear one thing, that’s what I’m wearing.
ON THE FUTURE
What do you want your life to look like in 3 years?
In three years I would like a beautiful home. …We haven’t found our perfect house yet. But in three years I would definitely like to be settled in a beautiful home. I would like for my business to triple. I’m currently doing my business full time right now so I would really like to just see the growth, see the elevation over the next three years. In three years my daughter will be, I think preparing for kindergarten at that point, so making sure she’s in a wonderful school and just being happy with where I am. We talked about happiness earlier but really just being happy with where we are, family wise, career wise.
Also in three years I would like to see myself on television. So, I’m going to put it out there. In three years I’d like to see myself on a major network doing something, whether it’s moderating, hosting a show, being on a reality show. Whatever that looks like. Even if it’s not in something fashion or beauty related, definitely something that is beneficial to my business as well.
Thank you Kim for meeting with me in the middle of a very winteresque fall day and sharing your light! Hugs and lots and lots of pink kisses forever! Xo
Photo Credit: Timothy Blanks
