Every Woman: Amir

Good morning…. It’s the top of a new decade, and I’m starting the year off with new heat. Amir Young, aka Lady Heat, has been on heavy rotation on my playlist since November. Amir dropping bars on drop kicking negativity and Anesha (check my ‘Every Woman‘ post from last March) on the hook heartening me to keep moving and make it a good morning. This song is my entire 2020 vibe.

We share the same name (different spelling) and the same alma mater (different years of matriculation). We both were involved in the University of Michigan Gospel Chorale (aka UMGC or MGC), and subsequently members of the parenting church that many of the college gospel choir students became connected with while away at school, Burning Bush Ministries, which was in Ypsilanti (MI) at the time. That’s where we met, now over a decade ago.

I don’t recall the specifics of our very first interaction with each other. My recollection just automatically defaults to Amir’s beautiful, popping energy, something that is undeniable to anyone who meets her. After her photo shoot for this post, I sent my photographer a ‘thank you’ text for obliging my request to meet up with her in my absence. After his usual kind response of “no problem” he added, “…she’s a great, great, great person…” …Facts.

Amir graduated from the University of Michigan with her bachelor of science degree in brain behavior and cognitive science and her master’s in public health. She’s a full-time working mom — a project manager at Wake Forest University School of Medicine with twin boys.

In 2014 she founded the Poppin College Tour, an out of the box, college visit day event for disadvantaged and at-risk youth ages 13-19.

For those who haven’t seen it, please scour YouTube for footage of Amir back in 2010 directing the Burning Bush Mass choir at the Verizon Wireless How Sweet the Sound Competition. Sis is a beast. Burning Bush placed first in the regional competition that year and went on to compete at the national level for the best church choir in America! Your choir director could never. She served as the co-minister of music at Burning Bush for three and a half years after that.

But even before she became a mommy to baby J and baby Gio, Mrs. Young, the creator of the Poppin’ College Tour, the fierce Bushite choir director, a Michigan wolverine… she was Lady Heat, the MC.

Now she is here on MeMe She talking about inspiration, God, and being all of that.

On Inspiration

I wrote a blog post called “Notes from 4 women I adore,” … It’s my favorite thing to ask in my ‘Every Woman’ series. What four women do you adore and what notes have you taken from them

Definitely my mother. I think she is the epitome of class and elegance. She’s an example of perseverance. Her mother passed away from leukemia when she was thirteen. I remember asking my mom about that experience and just feeling thankful to have my mom in my life past that age. She said it just required her to grow up faster. She’s the oldest of four. She has two sisters and one brother. At the time, her dad had just retired from the military and was working full-time. He really needed a wife in the house to help raise the kids. My mom at thirteen stepped up and started cooking and cleaning and trying to help. Hearing her experience really helped me to understand why she possesses the character and maturity that she possesses. It’s truly something to aspire to. There is a wisdom that she has. And the challenges that she faced raising five kids, phew! My dad was around but he wasn’t as present in our day-to-day lives as my mom was growing up. She worked full-time and went back to school to get her master’s when I was 9 years old. It took her seven years (going part-time) to do a two-year program. It’s stuff like that. I have no excuse not to grow up and meet whatever goals I set and be a person of character and integrity because I have a living, breathing, walking example. So right now, in the stage of my life that I’m in, I’m just trying to show her how much I appreciate her and that I recognize what she went through to help us to grow up and be something. And I don’t just say that because she’s my mom. If it were anyone else I would still say that. It just happens to be my mom so I’m happy about that.

Number two would be the Queen B herself, Beyoncé. I say that not knowing her personally but watching from afar. In business her work ethic is unmatched. Her longevity in the entertainment industry says a lot. Everything from how she treats people, how she gives back, how she handles conflict when things make it to mainstream media; Bey just handles things with so much class. So I think if there was a central theme of who I look up to and aspire to, it would be women with class and elegance that are still about their business. So Beyoncé for her work ethic, class and drive.

Mellody Hobson. She is the CEO of Ariel Investments, a large investment firm based in Chicago. Her back story is that she grew up in a family that did not talk about finance. It was a single parent household. It was a situation that many black families experience where bad financial habits were passed down in finance, which ultimately lead to financial instability and did not afford her mother the opportunity to build wealth. Mellody took it upon herself to learn financial literacy and to change her destiny in that area. When I learned about her story I was on a financial literacy kick. I subscribed to this website called Investopedia.com, so everything about investing. They send you a tip of the day every day and definitions of different terms and stuff that you really should be learning in high school and middle school but of course most public schools don’t really teach or spend much time on the stuff you need to know when you graduate…how to choose a career, buy a car, a house, how to invest….

Anyway so I subscribed. I ended up learning about her. What is significant about her to me is that she took the cards that she was dealt and played them. She didn’t sulk in her circumstances and say, ‘…. there’s nothing I can do…. I’m born into poverty.’ No. She focused on the things that were within her control and said, ‘I’m going to never have this happen to me again.’ And now she’s managing billions and giving back to communities that she recognizes have the same issue of financial illiteracy. That inspires me to give back as well. I do the Poppin’ College Tour which is a free, fun, creative college visit experience that is for high school students where we teach some of the concepts and skills that I mentioned that schools don’t spend much time on or should be teaching, and much more.

Bonita Andrea Shelby. Sister Shelby is the First Lady of Burning Bush International Ministries in Michigan. She was a very big influence in my life spiritually. I didn’t grow up in the church. Matter of fact, I didn’t grow up believing in God and actually thought that those who did believe in Him were foolish. It wasn’t until I lost a bet with my sister, Azara, that I had to go to her church. And at that time she was going to an Apostolic church in Dearborn. They’re a little stricter than your average church. That was the church in which I was kind of groomed in terms of learning the Word for myself and just had a big emphasis on the Holy Spirit. From there I went to a COGIC church which was Burning Bush. That was around age eighteen or so. I got saved in the Apostolic church and ended up COGIC… Let me just kind of back up and say why I felt the way I felt before I really learned God for myself. It was the hypocrisy that I saw in the church that did not allow me to believe that God was actually real. It was the Pastors getting caught up, the drama, the mess, the controversy, and the money scandals and all of that going on in the church. I thought it was manipulative in the mind and that people were wasting time going. You’re giving your money away… all of that stuff. …I finally learned it for myself… …it wasn’t an indoctrination at all. It was completely voluntary… There was hypocrisy in the church but when you become mature you realize that, one, not all churches are like that and two, that the church is made up of people. So the church isn’t the building, it’s the people that are there… For me, I’m just very self-aware. I don’t want to do something that is just for the rhetoric of it, the going through the motions of it. There’s no real experience and you’re just robotically doing something. You don’t have an understanding of it. There’s no impact on your life. Once I finally grabbed a hold to it, it changed my life. It gave me power over everything that I needed, my thoughts, my emotions, everything. It was more than just that indoctrination argument that you hear people saying. I’m trying to fast forward to the Sister Shelby part because going to Burning Bush was life changing in the sense that it allowed me to flourish in the gifts that God gave me. Whereas when I was in other environments I did not have that opportunity. I’m from a family of choir directors that I didn’t know about actually… I was never given that opportunity although I knew I could do it. Burning Bush was the first place where there was no ego, no one was scared of someone being better, it was a very encouraging environment. Of course mistakes happened while I was working it out, but I was allowed to just spread my wings. In a different environment, I’m not sure if that would have ever happened. My full potential may have never been reached. When I talk about women who I admire and who are inspiring to me, I think about Sister Shelby taking that chance on me. For her to allow me to work out the kinks and just to do it in the way that God gave me was super freeing. I wasn’t the best trained Christian. You have to understand, I didn’t grow up in the church. I had just got saved at eighteen. I’m twenty something, early twenties doing this at Burning Bush. I didn’t know the formalities of the Church of God in Christ. All I knew was I had the Holy Ghost, a passion, a conviction, and a gift; and I was committed to doing what I knew how, the best way I knew how. She helped to shape my gift without imposing too much religious structure on me in a way that would confine it. That in itself is a gift; someone who knows how to do that. That’s how I want to be when my kids grow up. I want to see that special thing and create that environment where they can just blossom and be everything that they were created to be. Not put them in this box and say, ‘well you can’t lift or move your arm to much or you’re going to hit the side of the box.’ She never did that. That takes, obviously patience, spiritual awareness and self-awareness; it just takes a lot to do that so carefully.

What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

New life. Life, all around. Especially old age. People exhibiting healthy relationships, living their best life. Or coming out of a major thing, like maybe depression. That’s beautiful.

Even the trees. I live in North Carolina now and I would say when I was a work-a-holic in Michigan I didn’t really take the time to look outside. I know that sounds weird… but yeah the trees when they’re changing colors in the fall. That’s beautiful.

I think brotherly love, brothers and sisters loving each other and not being afraid to disagree, or come to a place where they’re not at odds… interpersonal interactions that are positive. Just life. Life is beautiful. It’s a gift.

(Inspiration) Everywhere. …There are so many cylinders turning in my head that I find inspiration everywhere. In a book. In solitude… I find inspiration everywhere. It could be in a conversation. It could be looking at a building. It could be watching a video… a sound I hear. It could be something the baby does. It’s everywhere.

What is your favorite quote and why?

This is a quote from a forward in a book called Crucial Conversations. I say it’s probably my favorite quote because it’s the place where I’m at in life. This quote says nothing fails like success… It means that when a challenge in life is met by a response that is equal to it, you are successful. But when the challenge moves to a higher level, the old once successful response no longer works. It fails. That’s why they say nothing fails like success. You were successful once around. You tried it the same way again and it didn’t work. This is true of study habits as you transition from high school to college, and for a lot of the interpersonal problems that people face. Many times when it comes to talking about our problems or resolving conflict, we just try it the same way. People are changing. The world is changing. A lot is changing but you’re still trying to do things the same way. And it’s still not working. It may have worked once but now it’s not. I guess what that says to me is you have to stay constantly learning, taking in new information, constantly evolving, and never get complacent… in your communication especially. That’s really what I’m applying that to because I’m working on how to be a better communicator. …I’m looking at what I’ve been doing and trying to change it so that I can communicate successfully in every sphere that I’m in.

On God

What prayer have you seen answered recently?

The most recent one is that ‘I don’t have a C-Section.’ I know that’s very small to some. I didn’t want a C-Section. That was my prayer… I know people might not see it as such but to me that was an answered prayer. I was very worried about that and how it would affect me given that the twin pregnancy was so hard and the recovery was hard without one. I expected it to be difficult but it went beyond…

There was another prayer that I prayed fairly recently with my father passing and my mother kind of enduring what I would call, non-ideal relationship conditions. I prayed that she would have the relationship of her dreams at some point. She stood by her commitment until death, literally, but I know it wasn’t the relationship of her dreams. So, I prayed that, and she ended up getting remarried and coming out of the grief and the sorrow and everything that comes with the passing of someone you love and have a history with. I think she’s in the relationship of her dreams so I’m happy about that.

What is one thing you have learned, or you are learning about God?

I would say that He is quiet confidence. At first I was going to say that He’s not a vending machine but that I feel like I learned a while ago. You know people, they’ll think that I should ask for a car, I’ll get a car. It’s not like that. It’s a relationship thing. But anyway, right now I would say, presently, that He is quiet confidence. I’m going through a thing with my youngest son who is in the ICU. And not in the ICU with an expected end knowing that, ‘ok after so many months we’ll be able to take him home.’ Not like that, but in the ICU with seemingly impending death every other day and no end. For some reason going through this particular situation I was shaken. It was like I was put on top of the highest roller coaster unwillingly and forced to ride it, when normally I would have the quiet confidence to be still and know that things will work out for the better, regardless of what I’m seeing. To me, this has been and is the ultimate test of trusting God and I’m still on that journey. This is a present, present journey. That’s the thing I am learning currently. I put the vending machine thing in there because I want people to know that, that was something I learned.

On You

What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

Man, there’s so much. There’s so much. …I’d say getting married. Marriage. You just know you’re stronger after it…

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

It would be improving my skills to be a great communicator. That’s the biggest challenge for me. I don’t want to be one way in public and another way in private. That’s one thing Pastor (Don W.) Shelby said. That’s a good quote. Don’t be a public success and a private failure. I wholeheartedly agree with that. You’re cordial with your colleagues and then you’re talking about them behind their back. I just don’t want to do that. I understand people have their opinions. They may well deserve whatever you’re saying but at the end of the day I would rather be the person who if I say something, I say it to that colleague in a nice way that lets them know what the issue is or whatever they’re doing that is not so nice. I haven’t mastered that one yet. That would be the biggest thing that I’d say I want to change. It’s not just work related or professional but in private as well. I want to have that integrity in my communication and just the finesse of being a great communicator. Because I see how important it is and how much it influences the very trajectory of life. You can communicate in the wrong way and that could impact your ability to close a deal, or your ability to get promoted, or your relationship with your spouse or your kid. …I want to learn how to finesse that part. That’s something I’m working on now.

What has been the best part of your 30s?

I love traveling. That’s something I was doing before the thirties but it’s still the best part. I love getting together with friends and going somewhere… going with my spouse, or even going alone. I don’t mind that. But it’s not new to the thirties. It’s just been kind of what I love to do. Which I think is the best part of the late twenties into now.

What is one thing about today (this moment in your life) that you never want to forget?

That’s a hard one. It’s hard because I really think this post pregnancy mind is a thing. At first I wasn’t convinced. I knew about postpartum depression but… I didn’t know until someone reached out to me. One of the people I work with…a doctor actually… sent me an email. She said ‘If you’re having a hard time adjusting back, it’s ok. I really had a hard time myself adjusting back after having my children…’ It was so encouraging. No one had done that. Not even in my immediate circle. That was the first time that I said, ‘ok, this is really what it is.’ Some people have a hard time getting their mind back. So, when you ask about right now, I really feel like I’m coming out of a fog. I’m just at the point where visibility is now fifty percent. Visibility was like twenty percent for the last four to five months. I feel like I’m finally getting a grip back on my drive and my desire to keep going… and be who I said I wanted to be…

Right now, I guess I just never want to forget the things that I’m noticing with my children. My baby boy Gio is in the hospital. I notice he doesn’t discriminate when people want to love on him…a nurse, his grandfather, grandmother, me, his father, aunts, uncles, spending time with his brother… He doesn’t discriminate. Us, in our grown, biased lenses, we choose who we want to accept love from. Just seeing him accepting love from anyone who wants to give it…

I recall a recent experience where I was in Chicago with Baby J. There was a homeless guy that was outside of Nordstrom Rack. You know how people treat homeless people…they get ignored… But I was using my GPS to get me back to where I was staying and when I looked up he was right there, maybe five steps from me. He said in the most polite way that he thought I was very beautiful. Just gave me a compliment. Just that simple. Some people would have shunned him, or walked away, or not have said anything in response. I just appreciated him and told him ‘thank you’ and continued about my day. …I showed him kindness is the bottom line of that. Before observing Baby Gio, I don’t know if I’d have done it the same way. I guess that’s something I want to hold on to. Not being so busy and caught up that I can’t be kind to someone else. Or just accept love from someone else. Not in that way where you’re not setting boundaries, not going there… but just the simple things. That’s what I think I want to hold on to…

On the Fives

Who are the five people you spend the most time with?

My husband, myself, Baby J, Baby Gio, and maybe mom (on the phone).

What are your five favorite songs right now?

I’m a music head so don’t judge me. I like Dua Lipa, ‘Don’t Start Now.’ That’s the jam… Work out to it. Definitely that one.

Of course, ‘Good Morning.’ I mean I never fell in love with a song as much as I fell with that song. Good Morning by Lady Heat, featuring the one, the only, the greatest, Anesha Birchett, out here in these streets! I was actually nervous about approaching her about this record. I have been a fan of Anesha since my sister Azara put me on to ‘Running’ Anesha’s mixtape. I used to perform a revised rendition of her track ‘Coming Home’ at talent shows and other events on campus as a college student. She was and still is a vocal beast in my book. I’ve always been so proud of her going for her dreams in the industry and all. So fast forward to when I was producing the Good Morning record, I heard her voice on the hook and I said to myself, ‘Man, I don’t have a direct connection to her,’ ‘I don’t know how I’m going to ask her. I’m not in Michigan anymore.’ And then I remembered a friend who had recently did a dope record with Anesha and I asked if she could connect us. I said, ‘…Can you please just ask her if she would be open to just listening to it?’ And she said she was, and it was a wrap. My girl Kandice Evans came through and I’m forever grateful… Definitely check out their record “You Love Me feat. Anesha” by Kamakaze. …When I hear the song, I’m like, oh who’s that? Oh that’s me!

I’m a music head, don’t judge me… Lil Nas X, ‘Panini.’ ***Starts singing*** ‘Hey Panini, don’t you be a meanie…’ I’m sorry, I like it. Old Town Road was a smash in my book. That’s the third.

Asante on that Sleek Boy EP. He went to Michigan. His name is Brendan Asante. He’s a Ghanaian. You know I have a tie to Ghana based on the work that I did. I lived there, worked there for about four months over a couple of years. Ghana has a sweet place in my heart. But I love the EP. All of the songs are dope. It’s hard to pick one. Just put the EP on there. Sleek Boy EP, Asante. Not the remixes. The original 2018 EP. Not the remixes. Let me be clear. …the original. It’s a vibe… It’s a total vibe. I love cultural music… That’s a total vibe.

This last one is hard… Don’t judge me. It’s called, ‘Keys to the Kingdom.’ It’s on the Lion King, on The Gift. ***Starts singing*** ‘Kings to the kingdom…aaaayyyeee’. Tiwa Savage, Mr. Eazi… If it’s not on rotation something must be wrong (laughs). It’s a vibe… Ya’ll gotta catch these vibes! I’m just embarrassed because it’s the Lion King!

What are five things that make you smile?

Thoughtful gifts. It can be small or big. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but thoughtful gifts. Babies or kids. My homies… My family. And I would say shopping. I’m not very materialistic. …but I do enjoy going out and getting something from time to time. That makes me smile. Doing something for myself I guess is what that would equate to.

What are five things you have done that make you proud?

Got a bachelors degree out of that monster, the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor (laughs). I got kicked out after my junior year due to two consecutive semesters on academic probation. It was mainly because I figured out that I did not like the major that I chose, and I was not aware of the strategies that students use to avoid academic probation when they may fail a course (or two). I thought I would never get back in and finish but I did so I’m proud of the undergrad degree. That last semester I was taking 21 credits between U of M and Washtenaw (Community College) trying to finish up so I could get out of there! Girl! Definitely that bachelors. It was no joke.

I would say marrying my husband. This is not a cliché. And it’s not because he’s going to read this (laughs)! Some people might just have to say it, I don’t have to. I’m saying it because I want to! He’s a very special dude. I’m proud of his accomplishments on the professional and personal level. We complement each other well.

I’d say (my) kids. Having to bring them into the world is tough. We lost one along the way. Just that accomplishment of becoming a mother was a proud moment.

Purchasing my vehicle. I know it might sound small but normally I don’t buy cars that I can’t buy outright. So I’ve had cars that, you know, you have some work to do to them and everything, but they were good cars. But this one I purchased on my own and I did it on my birthday. That was a proud moment. It was one of my dream cars so I’m happy about it.

Seeing other people successful. Seeing other people live out their dreams. Like you doing this blog…. It’s poppin’… Just seeing other people walking out what they said they want to do and being successful at it makes me so proud. I don’t even have to be related to you to be proud about that.

If you had five minutes and the whole world was forced to listen, what would you say?

I’d say design your life. Be whoever you want to be. I would encourage them to be a positive person obviously. I’d let them know you can do it. Whether you just need to get connected to mentor-ship or someone who can help if that’s the case or if you’re lacking confidence… whatever goal you want to obtain, I’d tell them don’t stop until you reach it. Or don’t stop until you become that best version of yourself. Just design your life. Don’t worry about the cards that you’re dealt, just learn how to play them. Become the best person that you can be. …I don’t have a profound Martin Luther King quote… It would just be a whole five minutes on despite everything, you can still be who you want, have what you want, and do what you want. You just have to be smart about it.