When we lost Ethan we received so much love and kindness. The meals, flowers, cards, calls and text messages were unending. Love truly lifts you. To those who extended their heart to comfort mine, I will never forget. That includes a very kind gesture from my neighbor. At that time, Brian and I had been living in our current home for about five years or so; long enough for us to form a few neighborly relationships.
I had invited one of my neighbors who lives on the opposite side of the street, a few houses down, to my baby shower for Ethan. In the spring and summer, Brian and I (and now Ash) regularly take walks around our neighborhood. When I was pregnant with Ethan, walking up and down the block was my way of trying to stay healthy and active. Anyway, we had come to know this particular neighbor mostly through stopping and chatting with her while she did yard work. Her yard is basically always impeccable, so we saw her often.
I remember coming home from the hospital and asking Brian to walk down to her house and deliver our heartbreaking news. I had no energy or desire to face anyone, even through text. Sometime after that she sent me a text message saying that she had something to drop off to me.
She was on her way home or on her way out. Either way she made a stop into my driveway one evening. I came out to her car and gave her a hug. We had a gracious small talk exchange and she handed me a hot pink box. The box was generic, no labels or logos to give hints of what was inside. I took the box into the house, carefully placed it on my kitchen counter, and pulled the top off. And what was inside? I peeled back a few layers of tissue paper and could not believe the thoughtfulness that was before me.
In the box was two magazines, the latest copy of ELLE and ELLE DECOR, a pretty writing journal, a pack of ink pens, two bottles of neutral colored fingernail polish, a black do rag, a tin of Altoids, a bag of Ghirardelli chocolates, and a very beautiful sympathy card. There may have been a few other things, but those are the things I remember.
This pink box was amazing to me. Up until that point, though we had talked often, we had never stepped foot inside each other’s homes. In fact, our interactions were mostly common conversations which is why I was amazed at how everything she had chosen to give me was so befitting. I’ve been journaling since middle school. My first journal was sky blue and covered in Looney Tunes characters. I’ve never lost or thrown away a journal. Somewhere buried in my storage room is a box of all my filled journals from over the years, including my first Looney Tunes one.
Getting a new, fresh journal has always… just felt good. I’m sure my neighbor didn’t do some sort of secret investigative work to know this about me. I suspect that she put a journal and pack of pens in this beautiful care package because she felt that maybe if I didn’t feel like talking, she could provide me with something to write my feelings out. Or maybe she journals, and it had helped her get through hard times and she wanted to share her way of coping. At any rate, I opened those pens and wrote in that journal.
A new do rag? Everything with Ethan was so unexpected. I think I was in the middle of trying to figure out how I was going to maintain my hair for the rest of the summer and after he arrived, and I was long overdue for an appointment with my stylist. My hair was a mess. In the hospital I kept it wrapped in a dark blue printed silk scarf I had confiscated from my mom’s drawer many years ago. When I came home from the hospital, hair was one of the last things on my list of concerns.
Did my neighbor see my unkempt tresses and feel pity for me? Or did she just guess that I wouldn’t want to be bothered with getting my hair done and so she would provide me with something to cover it up? I don’t know. I just know it was amazing how something seemingly trivial like tying a new do rag on my undone hair gave me a little piece of happiness.
It was my own little sympathy care package, thoughtfully put together. Some lifestyle magazines for entertainment, some nail polish to maybe bring myself back to some version of myself, and some chocolates, because chocolate just naturally makes life better. Like I said, so thoughtfully put together. If you are ever pondering a unique way to send someone your love, maybe consider a personal care package. I definitely plan to use the idea. Gotta pass the kindness along.
To my neighbor, (again) thank you! The Altoids and chocolates are long gone of course. I still have my journal though, and my do rag; I even still have those ELLE magazines. The hot pink box is still sitting in my closet in plain sight. It was such a kind gesture. I’ll never forget.
